Practice Effects

She Did It Again!

2009-06-01T19:18:00.004-06:00

That Girl - I tell ya. We went to Austin for the All-State solo & ensemble competition Saturday and once again, she nailed her solo - Perilhou's Ballade - to rave reviews from the judge, Helen Blackburn, who is a pretty big name in flutes around here. After the performance, Helen clapped and said, "Brava! Excellent job! Do you take lessons?" The Girl said yes, and named her flute teacher, a friend of Helen's through their work with Texas Flute Society. Helen said, "Ohh! THAT explains it! Flute players from Fundietonfieldvilleview just don't get THAT good!" The feedback sheet was covered in lovely gushy praise as the icing on the cake. (That she has effectively written her own scholarship check to just about any music school she chooses is the candles on top.) Of course we're not proud of her at all...

This video is naturally not of The Girl's performance, because she never lets me into those performances with or without a camera, but it's the same music. The thing is our Girl performed it equally flawlessly and entirely from memory.

Next year, she's taking on Prokofiev's Sonata for Flute and Piano in D - a piece smuggled out of Soviet Russia during the 1940's that is so hard and so famous that it's known only as "The Prokofiev" in flute circles. It's also so hard that there's no memory requirement for the competitions. Her flute teacher, who has a doctorate in flute, is excited that The Girl is taking it on. She's had the music a week and already has the first page down. Here's a clip of the greatest living flute player Sir James Galway playing it:

Rock on, flutey girl, rock on...

Dr. Tinyoffice Will See You Now

2009-05-12T07:17:00.012-06:00

I promised pictures of the new office some time back. In November, my business partner & I leased 200 square feet of office space (2 adjoining 10'x10' rooms). Before I show you where we are, I want to show you where we came from, which will hopefully shed a little light on why 200 fabulously quiet and drama-free square feet is better than an overcrowded, poorly renovated old Jehovah's Witness Hall with paper thin walls and not enough office space to accomodate the number of people working there. These pictures are of the lobby only. My partner & I had to conduct psychological testing in the "play therapy room" which looked like a garage sale threw up in it (and was impossible in which to test children). Oh wait, the whole place looked like that...

We managed to slide out of that practice with no drama, unlike some of our predecessors. One of the owners had a penchant for drama and accusations of those trying to leave trying to put her out of business instead of being happy that the former supervisees in question were moving on to bigger and better opportunities than giving her half of what they earned (which was all she appeared to care about anyway). My partner was able to escape because she lives nearly an hour away and her internship was over, so due to the distance the owner didn't perceive her as a threat (although they tried to convince her to stick around so they'd have someone competent in pediatric assessment on staff). I managed to escape unscathed because at the time I was also working 3 other jobs, 2 in teaching and one for the neuropsychologist I'd been working for forever, so they didn't perceive me as a threat either.

Even though during my internship the non-crazy partner at the other site had asked me to consider joining their practice, and I was flattered by his offer, my plan has always been to establish my own practice. Continuing to work there was really a conflict of interest, albeit mostly financial. It just didn't make sense to work for a paranoid and delusional person for half of state evaluation rates when I'd worked out a much more lucrative deal with the neuropsychologist, even if I did have to generate my own business. I was in sales in a former career iteration, so generating business is no big deal for me. In the end, the rent we pay is far less than what we were paying the crazy lady with the garage sale furniture, and we don't have to jockey for space. Sorry, I'm just not willing to do testing on the open-air covered back porch, unlike some of the therapists there. Is that a privacy violation, or is it just me?

So without further ado, here are pictures of our two tiny 10 foot by 10 foot rooms...our 200 square feet of professional paradise...our own space to be the boss of ourselves...

These are pardner's side of the suite (note the phrenology head print and the "lucky tennis shoes" original drawing):

My side of the suite (btw, I'm there a lot more often so it's more homey, but she'd like to use it for storage of test equipment so I'm planning to move my stuff to a slightly larger space in the next office down the hall in the next few months):

My space looks a lot warmer because although I sold fluorescent lighting enclosures for some time, I abhor fluorescent lighting and refuse to use anything but incandescent or natural lighting. Too bad there are no windows in the room.

The little cabinet in the middle folds out to make the perfect sized table for testing.

There's also a comfy sofa in my office, and a cabinet to store my most used testing materials.

Yes it's small, but it's professional and not cluttered with nonessentials. The environment is quiet and soon I'll be able to spread out about 4 feet in each direction so it won't feel cramped even when assessing the largest patient driving a motorized scooter. Life is good and I'm proud to be where we are today.

Gotta Get Me a Singin' Dawg...

2009-05-07T16:17:00.001-06:00

Bwaaahahahaahahaha! *gaasp!* *snort!*

I wonder if my sister needs a backup singer for her band...

Breakin' Up Is Hard To Do...Well, Not Really

2009-05-04T06:52:00.007-06:00

After the last class I taught for GCUO, I decided I wouldn't teach for them anymore. The experience is best summarized by a phrase The Man uses in describing why he doesn't like to eat Cornish hens: "Too much work for not enough meat." The GCUO students seemed to be functioning in the borderline intellectual range and hadn't clue one about the rules of grammar, spelling, scholarly discourse, et cetera, and were deeply offended when I had the gall to point out their errors. Such flaws would have been more acceptable if the class was a freshman level course, but I was teaching seniors who were theoretically ready to graduate. When I received the email to teach for them again, this is what I replied to the class scheduler:

Hi Faceless Corporate Drone,

I tried to access the GCUO website to decline this invitation to teach, but was unable to do so because once again the server is not functioning properly. This email serves to notify you that I will not be accepting any further contracts from GCUO. I teach 3 sections of undergraduate psychology at the local community college (2 live and 1 online). Those 3 classes combined don't require as much effort on my part as 1 GCUO course. The compensation is also better and I have fewer students, far fewer restrictions and no micromanagement regarding the way I run my classes.

I did the math for the last GCUO class of 20 students. With each student paying $1685 per course, that generated $33,700 for the university. It seems a little unfair that the hardest working person in the loop - the faculty member - received only $1,150, including the $100 bonus for having more than 18 students in the class. That's less than one student's tuition for the class, and what I make in one day in my private practice - which incidentally also requires less effort than one days' work at UOP. I didn't work myself nearly to death to earn a doctorate for the privilege of working for less than minimum wage and while being micromanaged in the process. It's no wonder the university is constantly searching for faculty. Once instructors figure out the hoax, the logical choice can only be to cut one's losses and move on.

Have a great life,
Dr. Brainiac

All the faceless drone at corporate had to say was this:

Hi Nerdwina,

Thank you for your email. I manually declined the class for you and forwarded your email to payroll to inactivate your faculty status.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Have a great day,
Faceless Drone

Her response just affirms my decision to work for myself and serves as a reminder that I don't have to settle for anything less than what I deserve in any area of my life. I worked too hard for far too long to accept anything less than every good thing the universe has in store for me.

Narnia - Worst Band Trip Ever

2009-04-25T08:09:00.007-06:00

I'm just not a cold-weather person. However, I agreed to chaperone The Girl's spring band trip to Winter Park Colorado. Everyone told me how much fun I'd have skiing and when I mentioned my complete distaste for the cold unless it involves a frozen cocktail they all said, "Oh, but it's a DRY cold. You won't even feel it!" What a load of overcooked horse shit! This poor tree was standing upright and looked like it belonged on a Christmas card when we arrived. By the time we left, it had snowed so much, the poor thing looked like it belonged in a Tim Burton movie.

We aren't even going to talk about the 18-hour charter bus ride with the old lady passing the most noxious gas across the aisle from me the whole way, and the failure for the driver to remember to stop for meals. It snowed the whole time we were there, but let me mention that Winter Park is 12,060 feet above sea level. That's more than 2 miles up, folks. Guess what! There's no fucking AIR up there! The first day I couldn't walk more than 10 feet without stopping to gasp for breath. I felt like I was hungover from a 3-day bender and ready to pass out any minute. I knew I wasn't going to be able to even attempt to ski that day because I couldn't get my breath and felt cognitively impaired from the lack of oxygen. Nevertheless, I was fitted for the hundred pounds of ski accoutrements (60-pound boots, 40-pound skis and the ski poles that kept flying everywhere in part because they were astonishingly light in comparison to the other equipment and in part because I don't know how to handle them), and lugged them back to the condo - stopping to hyperventilate every 5 feet because now I was loaded down like a pack mule. We went to the ski village, but I just ate lunch and went right back to the condo so I could make some attempt at adjusting to the altitude, although I never really did all 5 days we were there - and yes, I drank water constantly and it didn't help. I can't tell you how many times I thanked myself for quitting smoking 12 years ago.

While I was vainly attempting some semblance of recovery by wheezing on the condo sofa, and watching the snow fall, which left me even more out of breath, The Girl took the ski class and attempted the first bunny slope. It took her an hour to get down and she hated every minute of it. Immediately upon reaching the bottom, she went straight to the ski rental place and returned her equipment, telling the folks there, "Thanks, but this was NOT fun. I'm more of a margaritas on the beach kind of girl." That night, she got sick - as in riding the double-decker porcelain bus sick (<--concurrent diarrhea & vomiting which requires one to sit on the toilet and vomit in the trash can). The next morning was the competition, but she was still sick, so we called her band director to let him know. He sent up Pepto, which she took and promptly shat back out. Needless to say, she wasn't able to perform at the competition that morning. We spent the day in the condo. She slept and I read a couple of novels and watched the snow come down while practicing my new hobby of asphyxiation.

The next day we both felt a little better so we rode the shuttle bus into town for some shopping and Indian food. It was interesting to notice that the other passengers on the bus who were geared up to ski did not look like they were having fun. In fact, they all looked pissed off. I kept thinking, "Isn't skiing supposed to be fun? These folks don't look like they're having fun at all."

In town, I found a place that sold a tiny bottle of "rescue oxygen" but it was $40 and we were going home the next morning so I didn't buy it when I saw it, thinking that maybe another shop had it cheaper and if they didn't, I'd just come back later. I couldn't find another store that had it, and by the time I got back to the original store, they had closed for the day. By that time I was willing to pay triple that just to get a few moments' relief.

We went back to the condo so I could return my ski equipment, which had sat unused in the condo since I dropped it off (<--read: threw it in the floor) the first day. I thanked the rental guy for the room decorations and he seemed surprised that I never made it to the slopes for all that big fun everyone else was having. Nevermind that in addition to anoxia I was also freezing my ass off the whole time, despite wearing no less than 3 layers of clothing plus a jacket and a coat at any given moment. Later in the day, we attended the awards ceremony, which was fun, even though it was still snowing. There were kids from all over the country. One of our choir girls was selected to sing the national anthem for the opening of the ceremony. Both our band and choir received superior ratings and best in class awards. The event coordinators held a big street dance for the kids and I went to dinner at a little BBQ joint while the kids danced, mingled and made new friends. I drank a DrPepper, ate about 5 pieces of okra and half a rib and started to feel nauseous. I thought I was going to hurl on the walk back to the bus but managed not to. By the time we got back to the condo half an hour later, you guessed it - it was my turn to take a spin on the double-decker porcelain bus. Let me state that I just don't get sick other than a cold once every 18-months or so. On the even rarer occasions when I throw up, usually it's a very quick, small and quiet affair. Not this gig. No, I was throwing up with a volume and profusion I didn't even see during morning sickness. All. Night. Long. I was so weak and breathless that I didn't think I was going to be able to get my luggage downstairs to the bus but somehow I made it. So, trash bag in hand, I snagged the seat closest to the toilet on the bus just in case I needed to continue with the previous night's festivities. Oddly enough, no one wanted to sit by me once I explained my malady, so I had the luxury of having 2 seats to myself for the ride home, which lasted another 20 hours. The highlight of the trip was seeing one of my favorite actors, Billy Bob Thornton, at The Big Texan Steakhouse in Amarillo on the way home. That's him in the ballcap kneeling on the front row. Although there was much discussion of mustard, please be proud of me for not saying, "Fuck me Santa" in front of the kids, because I reeeealllly wanted to.

We didn't make it back to Fundietonfieldvilleview until 4am and didn't make it home until nearly 5 after unloading the bus and driving home. I had to be at work to teach at 8am & The Girl had to be at school at 8:30 - "or else." Fuuuuck. At least we could breathe and were through gagging, shitting, barfing and gasping. It took another 3 days for my lungs to not be sore anymore. I'm just glad to be back home, well, and able to breathe again.

It's All Happening!

2009-03-29T13:51:00.003-06:00

Wow. Talk about goals coming to fruition... A few weeks ago I mentioned to The Man (who is still not formally employed in case you were wondering) that my ultimate goal - as in a couple of years from now - is to make a grand a day. Working 4 days a week that translates to a figure that's nothing to sneeze at. Granted, it's a little shy of what he was making when we got together, but not by much and I could surpass that if I wanted a 5 day work week - which I don't.

Tuesday morning I called the folks at the state agency where I've been getting referrals to let them know I'm ready to start doing work for them independently. They love my work and have been asking me when I'll be solo for over a year. The worker took my updated information and said she would be in touch in a couple of weeks. Friday she called to tell me that not only do I have a provider number but she scheduled 4 regular evals and 3 neuropsychological evals within a 4-day span. Even at state rates, that translates to astonishingly close to my goal.

It looks like I might actually be able to make a living at this gig. Now, I realize that this level of activity could be anomalous, especially in the beginning, but I didn't think I'd be coming close my goal so soon after hanging my shingle for all to see. Nevertheless, I'm so excited I could just pee.

Prove Yourself Brave, Truthful and Unselfish, and Someday...

2009-03-23T16:03:00.001-06:00

After twelve years of concerted effort, slave labor, seemingly endless waiting and more money than I want to think about, my license for the independent practice of psychology, issued by The Great State of Texas arrived in the mail today. So the training wheels are off and now I'm finally a real boy.

More to come.

Don't Tell the Italians

2009-03-18T08:11:00.007-06:00

Boy, are the Italians going to be pissed off when they find out they're actually being ruled by the French! Well, not really but apparently a lot of people, particularly young people, think the capital of Italy is France. How do I know this? Aside from teaching psychology, I also do psychological testing - a lot of psychological testing. One of the major IQ tests I use has a section that asks questions regarding general stuff about which people should have at least some vague idea. One of the "easier" questions deals with the capital of Italy. I can't count how many people say, without hesitation, that it's France, then appear to be proud of themselves for their vast knowledge of European systems of government.

I'm not sure what's worse though - the Franco/Italian fuckups or the no less than 75% of African Americans I've tested who have absolutely no clue who Martin Luther King or Abraham Lincoln were. I just want to smack them and yell at them, "SERIOUSLY!? You've got to be shitting me! You don't who know two of the most influential figures in the modern history of your people were? You know - the one who freed you from slavery and the one who made it possible for you to be integrated into American society? Really? Pull your head out of your ass so you can see the world, dipshit! - And while you're at it, pull up your pants. You look like a dumbass."

Please be proud of me for maintaining my poker face and not smacking them upside the head and telling them what idiots they are. Maybe a more fitting punishment would be for me to call their grandmas for the administration a proper and much-needed ass-whoopin'.

They Still Make Slush Mugs!

2009-03-11T21:02:00.000-06:00

We had Slush Mugs when I was a kid, so when I saw they are still being made and are marketed at Vat19.com, I couldn't resist buying some for our lazy poolside summer afternoons. So far it seems that they work great with soft drinks - DrPepper slushie - mmmmm --and beer - beeeeeeer slushie MMMMMMM! I tried to make margaritas in one, and it appears that the non-alcoholic part has to be slushed up before adding the liquor, or the liquid won't freeze. When the liquor is added, it melts much of the slush. That's okay though, because it works really well on beer! Woot!

Changes

2009-03-08T12:21:00.004-06:00

Looking back to when I started this blog in late 2006, its original focus was to give me a place to vent my frustrations about the dissertation process in the last leg of graduate school. At the time, this space was called, "Maunderings from Dissertation Hell," and the posts were composed of much wailing and gnashing of teeth, reflective of one under constant torture. Just the act of sitting down to write something - anything - helped grease the wheels of the writer within me, so I often used blogging as a cognitive warm up to the more intensive writing of dissertating.

Once the dissertation was finally complete and I was PHinisheD, I began the most unusual postdoctoral fellowship in the world. Since I was no longer dissertating, but treading water in postdoc, the blog was retitled, "Prattling in Postdoc Purgatory." I didn't blog much during that time because honestly I didn't want to bore my beloved readers with more whining, so there was precious little actual prattling done. I've also been juggling anywhere from 1 to 3 additional jobs during that time, so there's been precious little actual time for prattling to actually happen.

I finally passed the final hurdle in January. It's been a little over two weeks since I sent off the last pile of money and paperwork to the Great State of Texas for the license to practice what I've trained to do for over a decade without training wheels. Once the postman brings that precious piece of paper via certified mail in a couple of weeks, I'll have visible proof that I have been "brave, truthful and unselfish," and can finally be a "real" boy.

Since I'll finally be in private practice as a neuropsychologist, and will no longer have to keep proving myself worthy, the topics I blog about will also change with that very significant change in my life. In addition to my usual stuff - bragging about The Girl, discussing our famous gatherings, sharing recipes, I'm thinking of discussing neuropsychology-specific information & cases and sharing what's working/not working as I grow my practice.

The problem is, I don't know what to rename my little slice of blogdom. Here are a couple of ideas I've been mulling over, but nothing really "snaps" for me:

Nerdwina Brainiac's Practice Effects

Confessions of a NeuroNerd

...and the trees looked like neurons...

From the Backal Lobes

What do you think, dear readers? Do you have any ideas or suggestions? I'm open...

DonateWise Works! Here's how...

2009-02-27T12:42:00.003-06:00

This just in from my sister Kate. Gotta love her ingenuity. Who would have thought of a matchmaking site for donors and charities!? Sign up. Charitable giving feels good.

I Heard the News Today, Oh Boy...

2009-02-25T06:14:00.003-06:00

Well, I heard last week anyway. The letter read something like, "Dear APPLICANT, The Great State of Texas is pleased to inform you that you have received a passing score on the oral examination for independent practice in psychology." After the ordeal I've been through, I made quite the ruckus screaming and crying and swearing and dancing and swearing down the driveway from the mailbox toward the house - until I read further:

"Now, if you will kindly fill out another 36-page pile of paperwork and send us yet another ridiculous pile of money we'll be happy to get that final piece of paper you need to work independently to you in - oh, say another six weeks or so."

*sigh* Talk about bittersweet. It's a neverending fuck-with situation, isn't it? Seriously the story of my life since 1997 has been "Hurry up and wait." Fuckers.

So that's what I've been doing - tracking down signatures and getting all my proverbial shit in one sock so I can send said piles to Austin - so I can wait some more.

oh joy.

Angst

2009-01-18T11:03:00.006-06:00

Last Saturday I re-took the oral exam for licensure. Texas is one of only a handful of states, including Georgia, Louisiana, Oklahoma, West Virginia, New Jersey, Colorado & California, that still engages in this outdated, highly subjective final hoop to private practice. I passed the national written exam (EPPP) and the state jurisprudence (ethics) exam over four years ago at the Doctoral level within a few months of receiving my Master's degree. Then I finished my internship, and that pesky dissertation thingy to earn my PhD (the highest possible degree) and the last year I've been in postdoc. In most states that would be sufficient. Instead, I got to sit in front of the Inquisition and give answers to questions about an imaginary case off the top of my head instead of being able to consider all the aspects of the case beforehand - like I do every other day of my professional existence, during which I typically have a minimum of a week to mentally prepare for the the person who will spend time under my care. Neuropsychology a specialization that usually requires a referral. It's not 7-11. We just don't get walk-in traffic.

This time, I was able to manage my anxiety up front a lot better. Knowing what to expect going in went a long way toward not elevating that anxiety to the point where I was having panic attacks or feeling like I was going to vomit on the examiners (okay there were a few minutes at the beginning that I thought I might release the contents of my stomach onto the examination table but once we got underway, it wasn't so bad). I was able to conceptualize the case and articulate my considerations in a cogent manner and nailed the diagnosis (multiple sclerosis) right off the bat even though I'd been studying TBI (traumatic brain injury) because it comprises well over half of all neuropsychological issues. Then they started asking me about psychotherapy, which I don't do and I told them I would refer the patient and her boyfriend to someone else if they wanted couples' counseling. Still they insisted that I assume I had agreed to see them - together - for counseling - which I don't do. Ever. Psychoeducation...maybe a little crisis management with an appropriate referral, yes - but ongoing psychotherapy? Fuggedaboutit. Ain't happenin', pal. So I did the best I could to talk about an area that does not lie within my area of expertise. yippee.

I was able to tell them what I've done to enhance my professional skills without any trouble. In addition to telling them about keeping up with my continuing education as required, I talked about all the major assessment standardizations I worked on (WAIS-IV, WMS-IV, NEPSY-2, WNV, et cetera - my name's even in the manuals), talked about the continuing education module I wrote for NAPPP on cognitive care of the elderly, and about the presentation I did at our state psych association's convention on cognition and affect in the elderly. The older of the two nodded his head and got a look of "aha" recognition on his face. I think "Aha" guy was there - and I did seriously kick ass on that talk.

So I have to say that, also unlike last time, the two examiners were genuinely nice, friendly guys. There wasn't a Blackberry in sight. Nobody checked the two-way mirror for stray hairs or boogers and they appeared to be interested in what I had to say. When I got stuck, they tried to guide without giving the answer away. There were even several times when they said, "Good." I appreciated the positive feedback. Once when my answer was very succinct but to the point, they were looking at me kind of weird so I asked if they wanted further elaboration, "Aha" guy said, "No. Actually, that was exactly what we were looking for." I could see his score sheet and noticed several 8-point scores, so all that was good. Granted, there were some weak answers in there too, but they can't all be winners, and I just need 64 points to pass. After being escorted back to the holding room, I was dismissed within a few minutes, meaning that once again, I either failed miserably or I passed. I'll know in another 3 weeks or so when I get my notification letter.

It's that wait time that's killing me. I have a constant nagging in the pit of my stomach and every time I think of opening my results letter on the day that it arrives in the mail, I feel my blood pressure go up along with a wave of nausea that I haven't experienced since the early days of my pregnancy with The Girl. I'm having nightmares, waking up sweaty and in a panic, and am on the verge of tears at any given moment. These folks have the key to my professional future and all these years later I'm still whining and scratching at the door like a dog wanting to come in from the cold and be fed.

I've said repeatedly that Psychology is a field that eats its young. Had I known going in how treacherous the path would be, I'd have become a physician and would already have my training wheels off. The licensing process in psychology seems to be more about keeping new practitioners in a one-down position for as long as possible than anything else, and I wonder if they're really concerned with ensuring that there are enough practitioners available to serve our communities, especially in a state that is as grossly underserved as Texas. I've been formally studying psychology with the intent of becoming a psychologist since returning to college in the spring of 1997 and I cranked out 4 degrees in the next ten years. My doctoral program began in the fall of 2000. My training with actual patients began a year later. I graduated with 96 credits more than I needed for the PhD, including a concentration in neuropsychology and a 3.76 gpa to boot. That said, how much is enough?

So Long Suck Ass Year

2009-01-07T19:56:00.006-06:00

2008 Sucked great big fat green donkey dicks. So much went wrong (hence the lack of blogging - I didn't want to bore you with the whining), yet somehow we managed to keep our home and family together. I'm so happy it's over and am looking forward to a brighter 2009. I'll re-take the oral licensing exam Saturday in Austin. Hopefully by Valentine's Day I'll be able to remove my training wheels, fly solo, and not worry about having to work under someone else's license - particularly those someones who forget to pay me for months on end.

Don't get me wrong. 2008 wasn't all bad. There are a number of things for which I am grateful. We have been blessed with good health and it's pretty clear by looking at us that we aren't missing any meals. I can finally tell the Grandtwins apart by looking at them. The Girl kicked ass as drum major, made All-Area band again and will try out Saturday to get into the All-State gig (yes the same day I do my orals - just 1 hour south of home instead of 3). The Man has decided that since he can't get a job anywhere he and our son in law (super-awesome guy, BTW) are going to start their own business repairing Ford vehicles in our barn. I have my own office in the next town over and have already seen 2 patients there in the 2 months since we took possession. My business partner is about to finish her PhD but already has her LSSP so we'll be able to do whatever we want pretty soon.

Things are happening and I can see wonderful opportunities on the horizon. This time next year I'll be in a whole different place financially and emotionally and maybe by then our business will be doing so well that we can afford at least a part-time clerical person.

Remind me to post pictures of the new place...

I May Be In Trouble...

2009-01-02T23:26:00.004-06:00

The Man & I aren't much for New Years' resolutions. We just try to live the best way we can each day and move on without guilt if we don't live up to our own standards. So far that approach has worked for us for a long time. Well, that is until yesterday.

We hold dear the superstition that says whatever you are doing New Year's Day is what you'll find yourself doing all year long, so among other luxuries and indulgences of the day, we make it a point to start the new year off with a "bang," so to speak. Now we're not one of those couples who reserve nookie for birthdays, anniversaries and high holidays. No, any old time is fine. I don't make him beg for sex, don't use it as a weapon, and we are still as active as we were 14 years ago when we decided we liked each other well enough to spend time together naked. Actually we're more active now because we didn't live together until 3 years later, to the tune of anywhere from 3-7 consistently mutually satisfactory copulations a week after living under the same roof for over a decade. Nothing to sneeze at by any standards.

So yesterday right after our annual tradition of starting the new year off right, he says, something like, "My resolution is more sex this year." Seriously? More? For his age bracket he already gets tenfold more than any of his friends and cronies, and for people together and married as long as we have been we're ahead of the curve. Honestly, I'm not sure where we'll fit it in.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not complaining. I just might need to call in reinforcements. What's your sister's number?

...And The Ones That Mother Gives You Don't Do Anything At All

2008-12-14T11:12:00.005-06:00

I haven't been sick in a long time - maybe two years. Until Tuesday, that is - whereupon I was hit by a Mack truck of a head cold and have been pretty much bedridden ever since. My sinuses feel as if I've sucked up a bucket of water through a straw and I have no strength to do much of anything besides lay around and watch TV. Seriously. TV. Me.

Finals for my community college class were over Monday, so that was already out of the way. I did go in and test patient #2 in my tiny shiny new office Thursday morning (pictures soon), and I did let The Girl host movie night at our house again Friday night, but one was for the money and the other was to know where The Girl and her friends were and what they were doing with their time now that the neverending football season is finally over after the Fundietonfieldvilleview Weirdmascosts lost the 4th playoff game - they're usually only good for one or two.

Now, I know the only cure for a cold is seven days - essentially just letting it run its course. I'm not sure what's the wort part about having a cold, though: the sickness itself (for which there is still no cure because people never catch the same variant twice) or the medications available to "alleviate" the symptoms. None of the medicines really seem to "do" anything. The "__-Quil" meds just make me sleep - even the daytime variety. Warm bourbon, honey and lemon makes a great cough syrup if you can stomach bourbon and don't plan to drive anywhere. I also like a good homemade chicken or potato soup when I'm sick or the Lipton noodle soup in the packet - just toss out half of the yellow salt powder before trying to cook it or it's too salty. Ginger ale and Sprite or 7Up are good, too because my mom always gave me those when I was a little kid. So what do you reach for when you're suffering from a cold?

H.M. Passes

2008-12-07T12:50:00.009-06:00

H.M., a very famous neuropsychology patient, who had most of his temporal lobe and hippocampus (the purple bit in the picture) removed from both sides of his brain to control intractable seizures, passed away Tuesday at a nursing home in in Connecticut at the age of 82. He had been the subject of study for over 50 years and brought much new knowledge of the brain and memory to the field. His obituary can be found at the New York Times here.

In the interest of protecting his privacy, Mr. Henry Gustav Molaison was known to the world only as HM. I learned of him in my very first undergraduate introduction to psychology course (yes, the same course I teach at the local juco) back in 1986. I bet if you still have your intro psych text lying around somewhere, you can look up the chapter on memory and find him there. If he doesn't show up in the index under H.M. (which he usually doesn't), look under amnesia, hippocampus or memory, then flip to that section of the text. Go look - I'll wait. Then leave me a comment with the title, author and text where you found him.

A few books from my library that reference HM include:

Darby & Walsh (2005) Walsh's Neuropsychology: A Clinical Approach 5th ed. Elsevier; New York.

Kolb & Whishaw (2003) Fundamentals of Human Neuropsychology. Worth Publishers; New York.

Rosensweig, Leiman & Breedlove (1996) Biological Psychology. Sinauer; Sunderland, MA.

Wood, Wood & Boyd (2008) Mastering the World of Psychology 3rd ed. Allyn & Bacon; Boston. (this is the current intro psych text I use at the juco)

Prop 8 - The Musical

2008-12-06T05:59:00.001-06:00

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Anticlimactic Acceptance

2008-12-02T07:16:00.002-06:00

Okay, so yesterday I received an email from Giant Corporate University Online that I've finally passed muster and have been accepted into the loving arms of the faculty body. The process, beginning with the request for my resume May 16, has been ridiculously long. I have participated in nearly six months of "training," including several ever-smaller classes and finally teaching my first undergraduate class with someone watching over my shoulder. The last part was a good thing because I had an experienced faculty member to mentor me through the process.

Don't get me wrong. In this economy I'm happy to have another dribble of income. Every little bit helps and I'd really like to keep my car and keep The Girl's tuition current. The Man still isn't working, hay season is over, and we're living off of savings and 401K. We're not starving but that pool of money isn't unlimited. I'm working the community college gig again - 2 Psych 101 classes early MWF, leaving me the rest of the day to see patients or whatever. It's a fun job and I've done it enough now that the class basically runs itself. I have full autonomy to run my classes and my policies as I see fit and can be as hard ass as I please. Interestingly enough, the students meet every challenge I set for them and all of them say I'm their favorite instructor. The GCUO job pays a little more and I can do it in my jammies, but I have to do things in such a politically correct manner and have to worry about the faculty development team snooping around looking for things to hold against me. It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you...

The thing is, I'm just not excited about GCUO. The students didn't seem to have a clue about academic rigor, the importance of using APA format when writing papers (in pursuit of a psychology degree!? -SERIOUSLY??), or even what constitutes a scholarly reference. A couple of the students were adequate but most of them needed to go back to junior high to learn how to write - and use spell check - and follow instructions. They got mad when I insisted that they learn to use the library system, maintain a high level of academic integrity, and do their own work without the expectation that I hold their hands or do the work for them. Then they whined about what a big fat meany I was when they were surveyed. --Yes, GCUO sends out customer satisfaction surveys to the students - and oddly enough their survey responses held a very strong positive correlation to their grades - go figure. The experience reminded me of a phrase I heard once, "Never try to teach a pig to dance. It wastes your time and annoys the pig."

The next few months are going to find me launching my private practice and I may be scraping for patients at first. So I think what I may do is just teach a GCUO class here and there when I need extra cash and wean myself off the corporate teat as my business picks up. At least I'll know up front the challenges that I'll face in dealing with students in a university with an open enrollment policy and no placement tests to sort them by academic level. Send positive energy my way. I'll need it.

Doc's Soap Store Is No More

2008-11-30T10:06:00.003-06:00

Well kids, it's the end of an era. After several months with zero sales in my eBay store and eBay arbitrarily dropping most of my listings with no warning or explanation, I've closed it. I'm undecided whether I want to open an Etsy shop or some other online store, but I'm definitely not going back to eBay. If you're one of my regulars, don't panic. I'll still make your favorites and will still make custom bath & body lovelies to your specifications. Just contact me backchannel and we'll work something out.

A Little Advice

2008-11-28T22:45:00.006-06:00

So here's the deal. The Girl is an absolutely amazing young woman. She's strong, smart and has very clear and firm boundaries. Having the last six years free of the constant trauma, drama and chaos you brought to our lives has been refreshing. Given the years of hell you put us through, I remain skeptical, but she's nearly a grown woman and she's always had a mind of her own. It's up to her to decide the nature of her relationships. If you're less than genuine, she'll see right through the facade and shut you out again. You have no clue how fortunate you are that she's decided to allow you back into her life. Don't fuck it up this time.

The Last Lecture

2008-11-18T09:41:00.001-06:00

Okay guys, I'm really not dead, just infinitely busy digging out from under 3 cubic fuckloads of work. I promise a nice juicy post soon. In the interim, please entertain yourself with the following. It moved me deeply.

Discuss.

Friday Night Lights - Fundietonfieldvilleview Edition

2008-10-12T15:24:00.004-06:00

Friday night the Fundietonfieldvilleview Weirdmascots slaughtered yet another team. You'd think that a team all the way from Dallas would fare better against our little farm kids - especially when they're outsized the way our boys were. Nevertheless, take a look at their fans and remember that Dallas isn't that far away - an hour or so at the most. This picture was taken well into the game not long before halftime...

Now take a look at our fans. The stands were packed and there were people standing all around in the concession stand, along the fences et cetera. Clearly the good folks in Fundietonfieldvilleview Texas have nothing better to do on a Friday night, but at least we show up to support our kids.

With the kind of support folks around here give our kids, it's no wonder they kick ass at everything they do.

From my iPod

2008-10-11T07:18:00.002-06:00

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today, is the word fuck. Out of all the english words that begin with the letter 'f' ...fuck is the only word refered to as 'the f word... It's the one magical word. Just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck, as most words in the english language is derived from german ...the word fuieken, which means to strike.
In english, fuck falls into many grammatical categories:

As a transitive verb for intance ...John fucked Shirley.
As an intransitive verb...Shirley fucks.

Its meaning is not always sexual, it can be used as...

An adjective such as ...John's doing all the fucking work.
As part of an adverb ...Shirley talks too fucking much.
As an adverb enhancing an adjective ...Shirley is fucking beautiful.
As a noun ...I don't give a fuck.
As part of a word ...absofuckinglutely -or- infuckingcredible.
And as almost every word in a sentence ...Fuck the fucking fuckers.

As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of fuck...such as these examples describing situations such as:

Fraud ...I got fucked at the used car lot.
Dismay ...ahhh fuck it.
Trouble ...I guess I'm really fucked now.
Agression ...Don't fuck with me buddy.
Difficulty ...I don't understand this fucking question.
Inquiry ...Who the fuck was that?
Dissatisfaction ...I don't like what the fuck is going on here.
Incompetance ...He's a fuck-off.
Dismissal ...Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself...

I'm sure you can think of many more examples.
With all these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word. We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech.
It will identify the quality of your character immediately.
Say it loudly and proudly...
...FUCK YOU!

Tina Fey Is My Hero

2008-10-06T17:24:00.000-06:00

I think I just peed a little bit.

And They Wonder Why We're Pissed

2008-10-01T04:34:00.004-06:00

more music charts

More and more often as I go about my day I hear words like "taxation without representation," "mutiny," "Boston Tea Party," and similar language that is usually associated with the general populace growing increasingly weary of getting screwed over by big government. Isn't a break from a bloated and greedy ruling class the impetus for the beginning of what used to be the greatest country in the world - the country formerly known as the United States of America?

Graph shamelessly hijacked from GraphJam.com

FKN Newz

2008-09-28T11:45:00.002-06:00

Morons Overrun Earth

Morons Rescue Assholes

Sarah Palin Tits & Ass 4Gawd

I'm Voting Republican

2008-09-12T12:37:00.000-06:00

She's Such a Brute!

2008-08-14T18:43:00.002-06:00

I'm so proud of my Girl. See, this boyfriend that she met earlier this summer was getting clingy and whining about not her not having any time for him. Well she's drum major and has a job, so when she's not doing band stuff, she's at work. We barely see her either and she lives here. So she was tired of the whininess and in the process of trying to break up with him at his house. He was trying to argue with her about it, then he got mad. He grabbed her arm, pushed her into the wall and drew back his fist to hit her. He didn't even get his hand all the way back when he found her knee planted firmly and with great gusto in his testicles, then himself on the floor puking his guts out. She kicked him again, yelled "Fuck You!" and stormed out. It's nice to know she's listening to me, even when she pretends not to. Nobody has to put up with that kind of shit and if she had put up with it this time, she might be doomed to a life of abuse forever.

Go Girl!

Unique - Just Like Everybody Else

2008-08-12T07:26:00.000-06:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
1
or fewer people with my name in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Ohmygosh! Rain!

2008-08-11T14:12:00.006-06:00

I can hardly believe it - after weeks with temperatures in the 100's and no rain, just as I'm finally able to get my schedule cleared enough to use the pool that's finally almost back to normal after the pump being down for 10 days, it's raining. I'd rather have the rain than the pool at this point, especially when all you can smell when you go outside is the grass cooking and all you can see is more burned up fields and the trees giving up early and starting to shed their leaves. A couple more days of this would be nice, but I'll take what I can get at this point.

Radar screen shot shamelessly hijacked from my favorite local weather source, KXAS TV's Weather Plus website nbc5i.com (Rest in Peace, Harold Taft).

Is The Effort Worth the Reward?

2008-08-11T13:32:00.002-06:00

The final task for this week's training at Giant Corporate University is to summarize the learnings for the week. I couldn't write there what my real take is on the situation, but I can share this "real" interpretation of what I wrote there with you because I know you understand.

Dear Diary,

Although there are some exciting and significant developments in the works for my real job, this has been a shitty week at Giant Corporate University. One of my colleagues has no command of the English language and tries to use words that she clearly doesn't understand in her communications, making her writing unintelligible. I can't even respond to most of her posts because I don't know what she's saying, and am not sure she does either. This was the self-appointed leader of our team. Sigh. As the type who will usually go along to get along, I just let her do her thing, even after she used her caps lock key on me and another guy when we weren't going by her schedule (a schedule that we didn't agree to in the contracting process, I might add) but what I really want to do is hunt her down and kill her with my bare hands for butchering my native tongue. I have plenty of IQ points to spare, but I fear giving them to her would be a waste because she already thinks she's intelligent and knows everything. Tragic she's unaware of her deficit.

The facilitator is barely present, and leaves very short, almost cryptic messages when she is in forum. After several days of wondering whether my posts met criteria and no responses to communications for clarification from at least one of my colleagues, out of the blue my indicators of success mysteriously appeared. This reinforces some of my recently learned professional lessons that sometimes learning what "not" to do is just as important as learning what to do.

Even though technically we're supposed to have 2 days off per week, I'm finding myself working every stinking day. Since the first day of the course is a wash because there's no way to earn the necessary participation credits because there's nothing to respond to but introductions, which don't count, and there was something due every other day of the week, that means that GCU is turning into a 7-day-a-week job for which I'm still not getting paid and I'm starting to build more than a little resentment about the situation. I worked too hard for too long to get where I am today to be anyone's slave, especially when there's no guarantee of employment at the end of all this prattling on about nothing of real substance. I keep trying to remind myself that it's not the end of the world if I don't get the job and it may be a blessing in disguise if I don't since the pay isn't much more than minimum wage because Giant Corporation keeps most of the money. If I don't get voted off the island, I'll get about what one student out of the 20 pays to take each class I teach. There are 80-zillion programs out there and the more I get to know this one, the less I'm liking it.

Speaking of work, I'm finding most of the assignments to be asinine busy work. Every night I troll through what everyone else has said looking for some nugget upon which to expound my personal and professional wisdom (providing I have any, of course). There doesn't seem to be a clear criterion about what is considered acceptable so some folks prattle on and on and don't say anything. I've probably been guilty of that, too just because sometimes there's just nothing to say.

Also unrelated and twice removed but not really, I thought this component was supposed to be specialist training. I don't understand why I'm the only psychologist in a class full of nurses, IT guys and teachers. I'm not stupid - it's clear that this is still more generalist training. Any posts relating to my specialty area have come from me. Or maybe they're thinking of the other kind of specialist training.

Only one more week. Let's consider it an exercise in frustration management. Thanks for the vent.

Breathe...

There's a Light

2008-08-05T18:51:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I had a meeting with a referring agency in another region that's about an hours' drive away from here today because they liked the eval I did for them 3 weeks ago. It was the first time I'd done work for them because they're in another region but they needed someone and I was it. The meeting went well. Very well. Matter of fact, they even bought my lunch and visited with me for nearly 3 hours. It went so well that they're going to urge their clients to drive to where I am for their evals and stop using the people there (partly because the one guy left there who does what I do shares office space with his wife - also a psychologist - and they have verbally abusive screaming matches with each other - in front of the patients, who are already anxious about having to go in for psychological testing O.o). Not only that but they're trying to score me an unused room somewhere with a table and 2 chairs to do work in a couple of the field offices because I'm willing to go there to do the work. Then, when I make my escape from Questionable Ethics R Us, my neuropsych supervisor with whom I've worked since 2001 will sign off on any of those reports until I can do my own thing after the first of the year when I no longer have to give half my money to the company. There's a light, indeed.

4 Months From Now

2008-08-03T13:34:00.006-06:00

Sigh. Here I sit trying to cobble together enough business every month to pay my bills. Altogether they aren't much really, but I thought seriously that I'd at least be making a living wage by this point and could contribute more to our family expenses. As it stands, I have what amounts to a handful of part time jobs, none of which pay worth a crap because they're kind of on an on-call basis, and the people I work for have pretty crappy reputations, so the referrals aren't coming in like they used to, so I'm not getting called as often. Granted part of the problem is that some of the referring agencies are at the end of their budget year, so they should pick up a little after September 1.

The good news though is that four months from today, my postdoc year (read: indentured servitude) will be over and I can start my independent professional life on my own terms. Sure I'll be slogging through the Medicare and insurance provider paperwork and trying to get established in my own practice with all the headaches and bills that entails, but at least I will be working under my own reputation and license, not someone else's. The better news is that I am already beginning to establish my own reputation and relationships with the major referrers in the region. They like my work, they like me personally and they have made it very clear that they want to know when and where I hang my shingle. It just can't be done until after the licensing paperwork is completed. I'll mail it December 4. Last year when I filed my provisional paperwork on the same date, it was approved December 31. Of course I didn't get the confirmation for a couple more weeks, but at least I got it.

The training for the giant corporate online university feels oddly like American Idol. There ended up being 378 trainees in my entry level class, then I was assigned to a group of 1o. Within the first week 4 of them dropped. Of the remaining 6 only 3 of us were in the same entry class so there was at least one other huge ass entry class somewhere. The training itself seems like a lot of busy work, but they have selected me to continue on to the next stage so that's good, I guess, except so far I'm not seeing a lot of attention being paid to academic rigor. After the next 2 weeks in developing syllabi et cetera (mind you I've already been through the first 2 weeks so in total this will be a full month of "training" i.e. working for free), the next stage will see me actually teaching a class with an instructor's instructor who can give me feedback on how I'm doing. I appreciate that. I will get paid the full rate for a doctoral level instructor for teaching that class, but that won't happen until the end of September. At least it's something to look forward to, but there's no guarantee that I'll even be offered a position until after the class wraps up in mid-to-late October.

Still no word on whether or not I'll be teaching at the community college again, and class starts in 3 weeks. The Psyc/Soci instructor/coordinator guy left in May, which is why the division chair asked me to apply for that job, which I did immediately - in May. Now the division chair is leaving so the two top leadership positions in that area are vacant, and nobody's saying a word. I'm debating whether to shoot a friendly email to the human resources coordinator to check on the status of my application.

The good news of the whole thing is that at least I'm 2/3 of the way through the postdoctoral purgatory year and that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Take one look around and you can see that nobody's starving around here. We still have a roof over our heads, the lights are still on, and I still have stuff I can sell on eBay. I can do anything for 4 months. However, if you know the money fairy, could you send it my way? Kthxbai.

There and Back $5

2008-07-19T10:41:00.009-06:00

So I won a prize over at Brunhilda's. How cool is that? Although she wants to envision us Texas wimmin as all having big ol' bleached blonde bouffant hair and bright red dragon claws, I just don't fit that pattern. My makeup is pretty minimal. Hair and nails are both cropped short and the closest thing to bleached blonde as I get are the highlights The Girl talked me into awhile back that I am allowing to grow back out and the -ahem- "natural platinum" that's growing in as I get older. I own a tanning bed but plan to sell it because I haven't used it in a couple of years.

I promised a juicy, newsy post, so first things first: I survived the oral exam but won't know until around Labor Day whether I passed. The problem with the oral exam is that examinees are given ten minutes to formulate a case and talk about it for an hour with two examiners who have no knowledge of the examinee's clinical skills. They know whether or not examinees have passed when they allow us to check out, but we have to wait six weeks for the "official" letter from the state. There are only one or two other states that still do the oral exam because of the lack of reliability and validity, partly because examiners only receive 3 hours' training and the outcome is highly subjective, but Texas still hangs in there because that's the way it's always been done.

I have some misgivings about my outcome because my anxiety level was through the roof. Ordinarily, I can talk about neuropsych all day long, but Saturday I didn't feel like I could construct a coherent thought to save my life. First of all, I like to think deeply when I'm formulating a case and take into consideration as many of the potential variables as possible. That just can't be done in ten minutes. Second, the people I've trained with over the years were genuinely down-to-earth people that you wouldn't know were psychologists if they didn't tell you. My two examiners acted the psychologist stereotype. It was creeeeeppyyyy (*shudder*). We were seated in a very tiny stark white room with a table, tape recorder, a black file with my name on it, and a 2-way mirror. The examiner seated closest to said mirror kept trying to look into it to see if anyone was on the other side - either that or he was checking his hair, or to see if there was something in his teeth, I don't know. Then, he kept checking his fucking BLACKBERRY throughout my exam!! Goddammit, if I had to leave my cell phone turned off and in the waiting area, he should have been held to the same standard.

The worst part though was the questioning. I had only ten minutes to review the case, which by design, contains only limited information. I could take notes for that ten minutes but that was all. Bet your ass I filled a page in that time. Then, instead of asking one question at a time, the questions were embedded - like 2 to 4 questions all in one shot. By the time I'd get finished with the first part of the question, I'd forgotten the rest and had to ask the guy to repeat the next part - of course, he repeated the whole fucking thing. Then, they started reading the questions e - x - c - r - u - c - i - a - t - i - n - g - l - y s - l - o - w - l - y, as if they were thinking , "Wow - this one is really stupid. How the fuck she got through doctoral study is beyond us..." Either that or my mind was racing so far ahead that there was a warp in the spacetime continuum and it just seemed that way. Then, they asked me what I'd done to enhance my professional skills in the last few years. Um, duh? I just cranked out four degrees in ten years? Finished 231 credits toward a 135 credit PhD in clinical psychology with a neuropsychology concentration as the cherry on top? Did ground-breaking research in the relationship between geriatric cognitive functioning and affect? All those CE's I've taken in the last 4 years? Teaching a doctoral level hands-on Halstead-Reitan lab? Did I mention that I did all of this while juggling work AND a family AND community activism? Does any of that count? Because really, I'm not so sure because my cogitator is really fucked up right now. At any rate, we'll know by Labor Day. Meh. I'm just glad to have it over with - at least until January if I failed the goddamn thing. Fuckers.

I learned yesterday that I'll be presenting my research in geriatric cognition and affect at my state psychological association's annual convention in November. Tragic that they misspelled the title of the research on the website. Gotta remember to call them Monday to correct it. It's Dysphoria, not Sysphoria, fools.

In other news, my intro psych class is over. They were awesome and everybody got an A. I doubt I'll ever get a class that good again. The developmental psych class I was scheduled to teach for Summer II didn't make (even though I worked my butt off getting the course ready to go - upside is that at least it's ready to go next time), so my finances are looking beyond bleak right now, but I'll make it. I always do. I applied for a full time position at the community college but they wait until the last damn minute to make a decision over there, then expect you to be ready to go - like - yesterday, so I probably won't hear anything from them until mid-late August (classes start August 25).

In the interim, I've been selected to take the faculty training for a big, giant corporate university and will start this Tuesday. The recruiter wants me to teach undergraduate and graduate level courses online. We'll see how it goes. In my research though, I've noticed that they advertise for faculty pretty regularly and that there are over 20,000 - yes, kids - twenty thousand - online instructors for this school worldwide. My entry level faculty trainee class is about 250. Jeez, Louise. I can't imagine the management structure they must have in place to keep track of that many people - and that doesn't include the on-ground people or administrative staff. The picture at the top is one The Girl took the other day for my faculty profile. She said that of the dozen or so pictures she snapped that day (actually sitting on the edge of the pool with my feet in, but I cropped all that out), this one captured my personality the best. See? I told you I don't have big hair.

The Girl worked at Sonic for about 2 weeks after drum major camp and never got a chance to work more than 2 hours at one time, even though she got a "promotion" to carhop the second day. By the time we factored in a gallon of gas there & back and taxes, it wasn't worth it for her to work there. Sooo, I talked to The Man and pointed out that sad little fact and that she would never be able to save for another car if she couldn't get any hours. We agreed that she would be better off at her old job, where she could at least work a full shift and get tips from being the best little tableside guacamole girl ever. Of all the guac I've eaten there (which would be approximately a shitload), hers stands out as the best, and I'm not just saying that because I'm her mom. People she doesn't even know request her specifically to make their guacamole. She's started doing this thing she calls "Guacamole Theater," where she acts out bastardized scenes from movies with the knife and the avocado as the main characters and the other ingredients and tools (salt, lime, tomato, garlic, onion, cilantro, molcajete, pestle & spoons) play the bit parts. (Knife: "I am Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." Avocado: "Ayudame! Ayudame!" After a mighty duel, Knife slices into avocado with a great squishing noise as the other ingredients shriek in terror...et cetera). That Girl is a scream, I tell ya. She's happier there, having loads more fun and making a lot more money, so everybody's happy. She even has a new car, 2 years newer, 4-door & white which we found for exactly the amount the insurance company settled back in April. All's right with her world.

The Man has a job interview Monday for a job which he is totally overqualified but it's close to home and since, despite my efforts, I'm not making shit for money, and the weather's been too dry for his hay business to get any work, somebody's gotta work around here.

AAAAAACK!

2008-07-11T15:30:00.005-06:00

Okay, just so you don't think I've fallen off the face of the earth, I haven't abandoned the blog, nor have I abandoned y'all (actually I stop by all my faves at least once a day, I just haven't been commenting much, if at all). You see, I sit for the Texas State Board of Examiners of Psychology's oral exam for full licensure tomorrow down in Austin. I'll be sitting for the neuropsychology specialization. It's pretty much the last hoop I have to jump through to practice on my own once my postdoc is over in December and I have been studying and reviewing like all hell to make sure I pass it the first time - even though there's really no way to study for it. Anxious doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling. The panic attacks aren't as bad as when I sat for the national exam, the Examination for Professional Practice in Psychology (EPPP) four years ago, because I have better coping skills now to handle them, but my anxiety is palpable and I'm really not feeling like very much fun or very good company. I have a lot to talk about, I'm just too nervous to do it right now, so just know that all's well and I'll have a really juicy and newsy post once I get tomorrow out of the way.

*smooches!*

Have You Seen the Fail Blog?

2008-06-19T05:30:00.001-06:00

see more pwn and owned pictures

Bwahahahaaa!

Yes, I Let Her Do It

2008-06-15T11:10:00.005-06:00

Put blue and pink tips in her hair, that is. It's just for summer and she has to cut it off before summer band starts, but what the hell? She's a seriously awesome all-around good kid. If the worst thing I have to worry about is her hair, I got nothin' to complain about. At. All.

Of course, it does kind of look like maybe I might have gotten drunk and fucked a parrot once up on a time...

Passages

2008-06-09T16:58:00.005-06:00

The last couple of weeks have been inordinately busy. Between the end of school year stuff, 3 graduations, 3 funerals and a trip to KC with Mom and The Girl to visit Grandma, one could rightly assume that we were experiencing an overabundance of activity. Add getting ready to teach a section or two at the local community college to the mix and getting The Girl ready to go off to drum major camp, and it's just a whole new level of crazy.

One interesting thing that happened Saturday was that I returned to my graduate program to teach a hands-on workshop on the Halstead-Reitan Neuropsychological Test Battery (HRNTB). It was nice to be asked to come back and teach, but I can't tell you how gratifying it was on any number of levels to be able to mail them an invoice this morning instead of being on the receiving end of the invoicing. It was nowhere near what I paid them over the years, but the evil little kid in me enjoyed the experience immensely.

I'm hoping that once this week is over we'll settle into a nice summer groove with no major hassles or disruptions. It would be nice for a change, but somehow that just doesn't seem likely. Sad. I could go for a frothy cold golden beverage poolside.

A Monday Well Spent

2008-05-26T19:00:00.007-06:00

The Girl and I traversed to our beautiful state capitol this weekend so she could compete in the Texas State Solo and Ensemble Competition today. Per the rules, she played the third movement, the Rondo (Allegro) from Stamitz' Flute Concerto in G (scroll down to Stamitz and click on 3. Rondo (Allegro) for a pretty crappy MIDI file that will at least give you the general idea of what she did). This is same solo she played at the Regional competition back in February but this time she nailed that tricky run that's bedeviled her since she started working on it last summer. The adjudicator wrote glowing happy gushy things on the feedback sheet and for her near flawless performance, The Girl earned herself a Division 1, which entails a gold medal and another entry on her already kick ass high school resume. Oh yeah, then there's the bonus: she just wrote her own ticket for a full-ride scholarship to any university in the state. Funny thing is that although she's excited and proud of her rating, she's even more pleased that she nailed that run.

To ice that cake, she received a phone call from a potential employer 5 minutes later asking that she come in for a job interview tomorrow. All's right with the world.

No Kidding...

2008-05-23T05:56:00.000-06:00

see more politics and fun!

She Got It!

2008-05-19T21:13:00.006-06:00

Okay so (Queso? I love queso!) for the next two years, if you ever come to our little town of Fundietonfieldvilleview, Texas or any of a number of other tiny Texas towns on a Friday night during football season, the girl on the podium - you know - the cute blonde one wearing the cape and directing the band? That will be my very own Girl. That's right. The Girl got drum major and when the announcement was made, she received a standing ovation from the band she'll be leading for the next 2 years. She's worked very hard to earn it, but while she was learning the music she was to conduct for tryouts, she was also helping the other kids who would be competing against her with their conducting skills. She's so amazing. I want to be like her when I grow up.

A Beatbox Flute - Who Knew?!

2008-05-17T17:34:00.004-06:00

We had the joy of watching Greg Pattillo and PROJECT at the Texas Flute Society's annual festival today. What a talented group of musicians! They were just as much fun to watch as they were fun to listen to. We liked them so much that we bought their new CD online at CDBaby.com. I recommend it highly.

Speaking of the flute festival, The Girl performed her solo for a clinician in preparation for next week's All State Solo & Ensemble competition. The clinician was impressed with The Girl's style and playing ability - especially for her age. I tell ya' the kid's a rock star!

Hat Trick Plus 2

2008-05-13T21:54:00.004-06:00

We just returned home from the annual Fundietonfieldvilleview High School academic awards ceremony. The Girl came home with the Outstanding Band Student award for the 5th straight year. She sooooo rocks. Hardcore. Drum major tryouts are Thursday. Keep your fingers crossed.

They Can't Be Serious

2008-05-12T08:23:00.009-06:00

There are 13 days left in the school year. The Girl had to be at school 30 minutes early today to attend a mandatory assembly regarding the proper debarkation of school buses in the event of an emergency. The Girl only rides the bus ten to fifteen times a year - mostly to and from band events since she transfers into Fundietonfieldvilleview ISD and their buses no longer run past our house (they stopped 2 weeks after The Girl transferred in, despite over 30 years of prior daily drive-bys, but that's another story). However, there are plenty of other kids who ride the bus to and from school every day plus to and from band or other extracurricular activities and have been doing so since school started back in August. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't this morning's festivities have been presented at the beginning of the school year - or am I the stupid one here?

For All the Moms

2008-05-10T15:33:00.004-06:00

I got this in an email today and just wanted to share it with you in honor of Mother's Day.

This is for the mothers who have sat up
all night with sick toddlers in their arms,
wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer
wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at
work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and
make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who don't.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art
collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.

And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.
And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but understand how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making
babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who
wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight,
Moon' twice a night for a year. And then
read it again, 'Just one more time.'

This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their
own offspring are at home -- or even away
at college -- or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them
they'd be just FINE once they got there, only
to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
For all the mothers who bite their lips until they
bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of school shootings, and the mothers
of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors,
and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror,
hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to be peaceful, and now pray
they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, balance the checkbook and
sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache she feels when she
watches her son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time?

The jolt that takes her from sleep to
dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put
her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again
at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear
their key in the door and know they
are safe again in her home?

Or the need to flee from wherever she is
and hug her child when she hears news
of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are
universal and so our thoughts are for
young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation...
And for mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us...

Hang in there. In the end we can
only do the best we can. Tell them
every day that we love them. And pray
and never stop being a mother...

Dear Receptionist Person

2008-05-09T16:14:00.005-06:00

The fact that you only make $6 an hour is no excuse for your glaring lack of professionalism. The office in which we work is staffed with no less than three people who hold doctoral degrees, not just the one whose name is on the door. When you speak to one of us directly, please feel free to call us by our first names - we all have to work together and we prefer to keep things collegial. However, when speaking to patients or agencies about us, please refer to us by our correct professional title: DOCTOR Insertlastnamehere. We all worked very hard to earn those degrees while you were off smoking hashish in the woods somewhere frying your brain cells to the point where they no longer function adequately. To refer to us by our first names undermines our professional credibility with both the patients and the agencies that refer business to us. Between the paper thin walls, shabby worn-out 1980's furniture and the appearance that it is a public health clinic rather than a private psychology practice, this office has enough professional credibility problems as it is without you adding to them.

When I make a request in a polite fashion (speaking slowly because your brain is fried like your overbleached hair that's far too long for a woman of your years), don't take it as a personal affront and go whining to the boss, "Do we really have to do that?" Yes, you do because that is what a professional office worker does. If it's necessary to tell you again, I can't promise to be so nice. Then again, you probably won't understand a word I have to say because of your limited vocabulary and insistence upon behaving like some cutesy little 7-year-old girl - even though you're 52.

Oh yeah, and it's a PSYCHOLOGIST'S office. Why the hell do you and the office manager wear nurse's scrubs? It's not like you ever even touch the patients.

Every day I come up with a new rule about what my practice is going to be like. It's shaping up to be the opposite of whatever you are.

Seen While Driving

2008-04-30T23:50:00.005-06:00

So I was driving in the suburbs and in front of a church there was one of those portable signs on wheels that read, "Christian Karate." Will someone please explain to me why such inanity is necessary? Are the concepts of peace and self-control central to martial arts really so heinous as to merit shielding the children from them, because they might sound "too Buddhist"? Puh-leeeze. Just because something is "Christian-based," that doesn't necessarily make it wholesome. Just ask the kids from the FLDS compound that are now scattered across the state.

Overheard In a Restaurant

2008-04-29T19:35:00.005-06:00

I was lunching solo in a restaurant the other day and overheard a conversation between two fine, upstanding Texas Ladies that went something like this:

"Natter natter natter bitch McCain. Natter natter natter. Bush natter but Obama bitch natter natter and that Hillary? Well just prattle natter bitch, bless her heart."

"Really? Well, bitch prattle natter rattle Obama, but then again bitch bitch prattle Hillary natter rattle prattle. But then again, I don't vote."

Sorry dumbass. If you don't vote, you effectively forfeit your right to natter, prattle or rattle - much less bitch about the political process. It's people like you who have done your level best to fuck up the country. Why don't you help unfuck it up for a change? Get your ass to the polls and vote.

Right Side Up Again

2008-04-22T10:51:00.010-06:00

We've all heard horror stories about insurance companies jerking people around when it comes time to pay on a claim, despite thousands paid in premiums. I am proud to say that didn't happen. My Texas Farm Bureau Insurance agent, Marc Lancaster out of the Hood/Somervell County office returned my phone call from Sunday at around 8:30 yesterday morning. I called in the claim a little after 9am when the main office opened and the claim was COMPLETED before 1pm. I had to go to the wrecking yard to sign the release of the vehicle to the insurance company and retrieve The Girl's remaining possessions and will have to sign a power of attorney & send it back with the title, but as soon as those make it back to the home office in Waco, they'll cut me a check for nearly what we paid for the car back in July. Granted, I'm not telling The Girl how much it is. All she knows is that she has to get another job - closer to home - and I'll be taking her to & from until she can save an as-yet-to-be-determined amount of her own money to get another car.

Marc told me today that our premiums will barely even go up because he's keeping us on the premium line & just adding a point. I hate to sound like a commercial, but Farm Bureau Insurance has branches in all 50 states. You should call them. Their coverage is more extensive and for lower premiums than any company I've seen. On top of that, they have the most amazing customer service - bar none. If you call Marc for a quote, tell him Doc sent you.

If you're interested, here are the pictures we took yesterday at the wrecking yard - with the car right-side-up. We never did find her paycheck. Then again, $140 is a small price to pay...

They Walked Away

2008-04-20T09:07:00.008-06:00

It was the call every parent dreads. The Girl called in sick to work and she, her godsister and two other friends went driving around yesterday afternoon - in TWO cars, no less. With the price of gas, "cruising" is on my list of pretty-much banned activities, but we were at Suz's helping her move into her new house - where apparently the teenagers don't have to lift a finger - and I didn't want to make waves. This has always been a bone of contention between the two of us. She thinks the kids should never be "bored," so she pretty much lets them do whatever they want (her two have always been brats, too - big surprise). I think that if you keep them busy, they don't have time to get bored or in trouble. But what could I possibly know about anything? Nevertheless, the girls got "bored" sitting around. Nevermind there was plenty of work available that they would have been perfectly capable of doing.

45 minutes after they left, Suz's cell phone rings and my daughter is screaming something about a wreck and wanting her mom. She didn't call me because she couldn't find her cell phone so she used her godsister's & Suz's number is programmed in at #1. The Girl was crying and screaming, "I"m sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry!" As I calmed her down so I could find out where they were so we could get to them, all I could think was, "I'm so thankful she's able to make this call."

So we all loaded up in The Man's pickup and headed that way - down a windy, VERY bumpy country road. Apparently The Girl stopped so that the other 2 girls could catch up. When they did, she gunned it, lost control, hit a tree, flipped her Explorer and skidded many yards down the road, totaling her car.

Imagine driving up on this scene, knowing your child was driving that vehicle - yeah, the red one that's upside-down:
Or this:
Or this:

Interestingly, in a reflexive, protective move, The Girl threw her arm across Suz's daughter's chest on impact. Once the vehicle came to a stop, they both crawled out of the open windows. Had the windows not been rolled down, they both would be picking glass out of their skin today. Instead, they have only a few abrasions from the airbags deploying and on their necks from the seatbelts holding them in place. Oh, and the emotional toll on The Girl from losing both her beloved car and her equally beloved job in the same instant.

The police, fire & EMT guys said that they were lucky. If they'd been in a convertible, then most likely they both would have been killed or seriously injured. A convertible like the red convertible Mustang my goddaughter HAD to have, so Suz naturally bought for her. The car they almost drove but didn't because Suz's daughter isn't licensed yet and The Girl isn't on their insurance policy.

So in the postgame analysis, even though The Girl thinks I'm mad because she wrecked her car, I'm not. I am thankful to be able to call the insurance guy tomorrow about handling the totaling of her car instead of cashing her life insurance policy and finding myself in the surreal and unenviable place of having to plan a funeral for a child. I'm happy she's home watching TV and sending text messages to her friends instead of on life support or in the morgue. I don't mind being inconvenienced by taking her to & from school until she can afford to buy another car. I don't mind helping her find another job closer to home or even taking her to and from the new job so she can save money to get another car. I'm endlessly grateful that my only child, my precious Girl, is home, safe and mostly that she is still alive to be able to try out for drum major in a couple of weeks, go on her band trip, compete at All-State solo & ensemble and most of all spend another summer floating in the pool and solving all the world's problems with me.

Meh.

2008-04-03T19:21:00.003-06:00

I really don't have anything to say. That said, I leave you with this cryptic hint:

Stroke of Insight

2008-03-28T05:03:00.003-06:00

Imagine for a moment that you're a neuroscientist. Now imagine that you've had a stroke. Neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor had an opportunity few brain scientists would wish for: One morning, she realized she was having a massive stroke. As it happened -- as she felt her brain functions slip away one by one, speech, movement, understanding -- she studied and remembered every moment. This is a powerful story about how our brains define us and connect us to the world and to one another.

Online Winkelen

2008-03-26T17:13:00.000-06:00

HEMA is a Dutch department store. The first store opened on November 4, 1926, in Amsterdam . Now there are 150 stores all over the Netherlands. HEMA also has stores in Belgium, Luxemburg, and Germany . In June of this year, HEMA was sold to British investment company Lion Capital.

Take a look at HEMA's product page. You can't order anything and it's in
Dutch but just wait a couple of seconds and watch what happens.

http://producten.hema.nl/

Don't Mess With Little Old Ladies in Texas

2008-03-19T21:50:00.003-06:00

It's a good way to get your ass kicked!

The Danger of Imaginary Friends

2008-03-17T07:07:00.004-06:00

In the history of mankind, more lives have been lost and destruction and suffering caused in the name of Imaginary Friends than by any other concept. Most adults who talk to imaginary friends that tell them what to do are called "mentally ill" or "delusional," except certain special types, because evidently that kind of delusional is okay. This is because all of their real friends have the same Imaginary Friend because they're not allowed to hang out with people who have a different Imaginary Friend (per the Imaginary Friend, of course). So, because "everybody does it," and they're afraid not to because the Imaginary Friend has told them that "Bad Things" will happen if they don't, the people all share the in the special Imaginary Friend delusion and call it "religion." The even people build big special buildings that cost lots of money for their Imaginary Friend to live in, most of the time a whole bunch of them in the same town. Then they give It a percentage of their income, even if they don't have enough for themselves, because apparently Imaginary Friend needs money too.

Since the special Imaginary Friend kind of delusion is protected -and even encouraged- by their leaders, it's even more okay. Because, come on, if the people don't have to think for themselves because their Imaginary Friend does it for them and tells them what to do, that can only be good for the government, right? Think about it. If the government can convince the poor gullible people that Imaginary Friend wants them to support the government's policies even when they're foolish and that if they don't, "Bad Things" will happen, that can only be good for the government.

When the people meet somebody with a different Imaginary Friend, they argue about which Imaginary Friend is better. Then, because it's an argument that can't be won because it's about Imaginary Friends, everybody gets mad and calls all the real friends they know who have the same Imaginary Friend so they can have a real war with the people with the different Imaginary Friend, to prove whose Imaginary Friend is the bigger badass - with real weapons, injuries, loss of life, rape, pillaging and destruction to back it up.

That's just silly. I don't want to play.

Way to Go Band!

2008-03-14T11:50:00.005-06:00

Man, oh man, our band kids here in Fundietonfieldvilleview, Texas are an amazing bunch. They competed in the UIL concert & sightreading contest Wednesday and earned straight first divisions in both. That, coupled with their straight ones in marching back in the fall, earned our little ragtag bunch of band nerds the much-coveted Sweepstakes Band award for the first time since the 2002-2003 school year. As "the mom that goes to stuff," I had the privilege of witnessing both events. From my seat at the back of the auditorium during the concert event, I watched 2 of the 3 judges bobbing their heads and appearing to really be enjoying themselves. During the sightreading event (where the kids have to perform a piece of music they've never seen before after their band director talks about it for 4 minutes), they didn't sound like they were sightreading at all. It was flippin' awesome.

Soooo, the party will ensue at my house next Saturday. It's going to be a blast they've worked hard to earn. This coming week is Spring Break for The Girl. Hopefully, we'll have the pool ready to go by then.

Individual Differences

2008-03-09T10:59:00.002-06:00

I've been busy re-organizing my files and files and files of testing protocol blanks. Really, I didn't realize just how much I'd accumulated and how horribly disorganized they were. Now everything neurocognitive rehabilitation-related is in one file, everything assessment-related is in 3 files and all of the important articles and lectures are in another file. 'Tis all good. Over the course of the reorganization, I ran across this and thought y'all would appreciate it.

The Fable of the Animal School

Once upon a time, the animals decided they must do something heroic to meet the problems of "a new world," so they organized a school. They adopted an activity curriculum consisting of running, climbing, swimming, and flying, and to make it easier to administer, all the animals took all the subjects.

Duck was excellent in swimming, better in fact than his instructor, and made passing grades in flying but was very poor in running. Since he was slow in running, he had to stay after school and also drop swimming to practice running. This was kept up until his web feet were badly worn and he was only average in swimming. Nevertheless, average was acceptable in school, so nobody worried about that but Duck.

Rabbit started at the top of the class in running but had a nervous breakdown because of so much make-up work in swimming.

Squirrel was excellent in climbing until he developed frustration in the flying class, where his teacher made him start from the ground up instead of from the treetop down. He also developed charlie horses from overexertion and then got a C in climbing and a D in running.

Eagle was a problem child and was disciplined severely. In the climbing class he beat all the others to the top of the tree but insisted on using his own way to get there.

At the end of the year, an abnormal eel had the highest average and was Valedictorian.

I have not clue one from whence this came. If you know the author, please let me know so that I can give them due credit.

The Book Meme

2008-02-25T08:19:00.004-06:00

Romulus Crowe, tagged me for the book meme. I've seen it around and have actively avoided it because even after selling over $1500 worth on Amazon.com and giving a bunch more away, there are still books in every room of my house. Naturally, the bulk of them are psychology and neuropsychology related, but I have a couple of shelves' worth of cookbooks and another shelf of just sheet music. Romulus would be pleased to know that I also have a couple of tomes on ghosts, although none on UFOs, even though I'm quite fascinated by them.

So without further ado, here are the rules:
1. Grab the nearest book (that is at least 123 pages long).
2. Open to p. 123.
3. Go down to the 5th sentence.
4. Type in the following 3 sentences.
5. Tag five people.

Since so many of my books hold tightly guarded trade secrets about psychological and neuropsychological assessment, I'll skip those in the name of ethical considerations.

I thought I sold the book that caught my eye, Madness in America: Cultural and Medical Perceptions of Mental Illness before 1914. It was penned by Lynn Gamwell and Nancy Tomes. Page 123 is in Part III: American Nervousness. The paragraph is about a journalist, Nelly Bly, who was sent by a New York newspaper, the World, to infiltrate Blackwell's Island asylum in 1887.

"After Bly was confined for ten days, the attorney for the World, Peter A. Hendricks, went to Blackwell's Island, accompanied by cartoonist Walt McDougall, to arrange for her release. The following Sunday, the editors of the World featured Bly's expose, along with gleeful reprints of the articles written by their hoodwinked colleagues on newspaper row."

Since there are only about 3 people who comment regularly and all 3 of them have done it already, if you're lurking, consider yourself tagged. Have fun.

The Girl Is a Rawk Stah!

2008-02-24T10:18:00.003-06:00

The Girl racked up yet another musical accomplishment yesterday. She earned a first division on her flute solo, the 3rd movement from Stamitz's Flute Concerto in G, played from memory. If you get a minute look the piece up. It's fun to listen to & The Girl says it's way fun to play. Earning that first division means that she gets to advance and compete at the All-State solo & ensemble competition in May. This is amazing considering that it's like pulling teeth to get her to practice - ever. Woohoo! Go Girl!

I Guess It's Really Official

2008-02-19T07:30:00.004-06:00

My diploma finally arrived from the calligrapher last week. I had shrunken copies made for Medicare and the insurance companies, then took it to Michael's to have it framed. They were having a half-off custom framing special, but it seems like they always have that going on so maybe it's not really so special. At any rate, they called me last night to let me know that it's ready. I'm going to pick it up today and can hardly wait to get it on the wall. I'll have to move a few other things like my Master's diploma around, but already have the spot picked out. The corrected transcripts that show my successful completion of the neuropsychology concentration also arrived last week, so now the only thing I'm waiting for in the way of documentation is the neuropsychology certificate, which should get here any day. It will go under the PhD diploma. I'll post a picture when I get everything arranged.

My copies of the final, bound dissertation arrived Valentine's Day (I got one for Mom, too and of course she teared up when I gave it to her - then she had me sign it, haha). The bindery made the cover in blue hardbound with gold lettering. It's weird to see my name on a book as the author, but for some reason I wasn't expecting it to say my full name, followed by MA on the cover. I guess it stands to reason that since the dissertation was the last (seemingly neverending) project before the doctorate was conferred, that it should read MA instead of PhD. Still, I'll have to explain why it doesn't say PhD at least 40 times since we tend to have a lot of company and it's the current coffee table book.

Mom had her first book signing at a Borders book store on Saturday. I went along to help out and handle the money. Since the book store didn't order any of her books because the publisher won't allow them to be returned, they allowed Mom to sell from what she has. It was cold and raining like all hell so even though it was a Saturday in a normally pretty busy store, there just weren't many people there. Mom was a little discouraged but was happy nonetheless because she was actually getting to have a real book signing. As we were leaving, the manager asked how many we sold. When Mom told her she sold about 6, the manager looked puzzled and said, "You've had a successful signing. I've had big name writers come for signings that didn't sell any." That made her feel a lot better. Her next signing is February 29 at the library in the town where she lives, but I have other plans that day so I can't go help out.

In other news, The Girl is going for orientation for a job that she got at a Mexican food restaurant. Since she's under 18 she can't wait tables because they serve alcohol, but she can do other jobs like make the tableside guacamole (which is the best part about that restaurant), bus tables or hostess. She said that she'd rather bus tables or run the fryer before hostessing. When I asked her why, she flipped her hair, rolled her eyes and in her best everso blonde Valley Girl voice said, "Because they're just, like, so hostess-y." She's so funny.

The Man and some of his buddies are starting a sideline business of catching feral hogs to sell at a rather high price to high-end restaurants, who will then put them on the menu as "wild boar," even though they're just feral hogs. Whathefuckever. The little ones still taste amazing. They made and set out half a dozen traps last week. There are 4 in the traps today so the guys are on the way to retrieve them. Somehow I don't envision these now-wild animals quietly loading on the trailer. This evening's post-game analysis should be interesting. Gotta scoot - I think I want to do a little yoga now that the house is finally empty.

How To Be a Republican Today

2008-02-18T17:12:00.006-06:00

To be a Republican today you need to believe:

1. Jesus loves you and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we-can't-find-Bin-Laden" diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq .

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

15. Supporting "Executive Privilege" in perpetuity for every Republican ever born, who will be born, or who might be born.

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.

17. Support for hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail.

18. Life begins when everyone agrees with you.

Not-So Idle Hands

2008-02-17T12:07:00.005-06:00

"Work is a sovereign remedy for all ills, and a man who loves to work will never be unhappy."

Ellen Henrietta Swallow Richards (1842–1911)

I'm the kind of person who is happiest when busiest. Paradoxically, the busier I am, the more I get done. If I don't have much to do, I'll sit around and do pretty much nothing, but maybe play solitaire and generally feel icky and guilty about not getting anything accomplished. So this whole business of not having enough work to do has had me in a weird place both cognitively and emotionally.

When I approached the psychologist under whom I served the bulk of my internship about coming in on Fridays & Saturdays to perform assessments for her while the office is technically closed, she jumped at the chance to have me back on board - at the same rate I'd been paid before: 55% of whatever I generate. My business partner is doing her internship there but has a small consulting business on the side and has offered to let me do her assessments when she has to be out of town for her other business. So I was to have had 2 evaluations on Thursday, 1 on Friday and 1 on Saturday. Two of those canceled, but I still got to do 2, and even used my upselling techniques from my old sales career to get a neuropsych eval out of Texas Rehab Commission (TRC).

Saturday's patient had a documented traumatic brain injury (TBI for short) nearly 2 years ago - and was revived after being dead for at least 5 minutes. She had bled out and needed over 20 pints of blood and was in a coma for a couple of weeks after being t-boned by a semi going about 70 mph. The evaluation I was to perform was just a general psych battery (IQ, personality & academic achievement), but she was exhibiting and describing some behaviors that are likely residual to her head injury. I called TRC to ask why they didn't order a neuropsych eval on the patient, given her medical history. The caseworker said, "I didn't know anyone around here could do that. We have a lot of people who need that kind of service who want to see a woman, but I didn't know of any."

"I'm it." I said, giving him a few more specifics about my qualifications. Then I asked him to obtain any prior test results from SSI and TRC (since they're really just different divisions of the same entity) so that I could compare where her cognitive function was a year or so ago when she was tested versus now so that we could better serve her rehabilitation needs. He happily agreed and told me he was happy that I was available to do that kind of work. Cha-ching - my payment nearly tripled, which more than makes up for the two cancellations, because now my name's on the list of women who do neuropsych evals out here in the sticks.

The only other person who does neuropsych out here is a guy and he's about to move on to another position. I know him very well, and it takes him months to get a report back. Mine are done in a couple of days, tops. I don't get paid until the agency gets paid, so since I like to get paid sooner rather than later, I crank 'em out with a quickness. To facilitate that, I set up shortcuts in my report writing process during internship. The agencies we contract with want basically the same information in the same order over & over so I set up a template using Excel and mail merge from Word. I type the relevant info into the appropriate boxes in Excel then pull up Word and after a couple of clicks a new document is generated with the info from the patient stuck into the appropriate spot in the report. Then I take a few minutes to edit for clarity, spelling/grammar & I'm done.

The neuropsychologist I've been working for since 2001, Dr. H, called me last week wanting me to do 3 evals over the next couple of weeks, for a total of 19 hours in testing, scoring & write up, adding, "I can only pay you $30 and hour." That's more than I've been making so let's rock & roll, pal! Most of the postdoctoral work I've been doing for him has included marketing activities and studying for my oral exam, so I'm happy to have some hot juicy clinical work. Assessment is my favorite...neuropsych assessment doubly so.

On top of getting a few clinical assignments, I'm still looking for an adjunct academic position and have gotten a couple of nibbles from a couple of programs but nothing serious, mostly just requests for my resume and one request to fill out a written questionnaire in lieu of a telephone interview for an online position. The thing about trying to get a job in academia is that it takes forever because everything has to go through committees. Bleh. The university where I got my BS also has a Master's program in counseling psychology and the director was one of my favorite professors when I was there so I gave him a call. -It's separate from the psychology department for some reason - probably some stupid political thing. He told me that one of the profs in his program died of a horrible neurological disease just the week before and that the funeral was just the Friday before the Monday I'd called. So there's definitely an opening there, but man I felt like it was really creepy of me to call that soon, even though I had no clue about the guy's death.

The state board of examiners of psychologists has cashed my check for the fee to sit for the oral exam so I guess I'll be doing that in July. I was researching passage rates a couple of weeks ago and it turns out that the oral exam seems to be more of a rite of passage than anything else. I found a document by the board that states that over 95% pass the first time and of the ones that have to come back and do it again in the afternoon, most of those pass, too. They're just looking for basic entry-level skills, and it's really kind of no big deal. Nevertheless, I'd still appreciate any suggestions for good neuropsychology casebooks if you know of any.

Anyway, thank you all for your kind words and support. I really appreciate you. Everything's going to work out fine. I just have to get through this little rough patch by cobbling together whatever I can. Gotta scoot - these reports won't write themselves - well, almost, but not really.

Hobbled

2008-02-02T12:31:00.001-06:00

I apologize for not posting much of late. A lot's been going on. I've been waiting patiently for my provisional license paperwork to go through since early December. It finally came in last week. The state board will even allow me to sit for my final oral examination for full licensure while I'm finishing my postdoc year. Since they're only conducted in January and July, I've sent in the money (while I still have some) to sit in July . That way come December 4, I'm ready to practice on my own. I even got to pick my specialty area - neuropsychology. That's the good part.

The bad part is that I can't do a damn thing with a provisional psychology license, even though it's supposed to be a step up from the Associate's license I've held since 2004. Despite the fact that I've been doing neuropsychological and psychological assessment for the last six years and have somewhere in the area of six thousand hours in practicum, specialized clinical training, research practicum, internship and doctoral research, without that last piece of paper apparently I still don't have enough experience to do anything without having my hand held. Part of what my postdoc is supposed to entail is testing geriatric patients (my area of expertise, by the way). These people inevitably have Medicare. After wading through the national Medicare website and the state Medicare website for what feels like months and not finding information relevant to the questions I had, I was randomly picked to participate in a survey. Several of the survey questions dealt with the type and relevance of information that came up in the search results (1 search term = 10,000 irrelevant hits, 2 search terms = 20,000 irrelevant hits), the availability of customer support (nonexistent) and how satisfied I was with the service overall (yeah right). I posted my unvarnished opinions - in polite language, no less, gave them my contact information, and hit "submit."

The next morning a customer care representative named Jennifer called me from the state Medicare servicer. She was very sweet and polite and not at all the typical government drone. She actually wanted to help. I explained to her that the information I was finding was inconsistent and confusing and that I was frustrated with the process. She apologized and said that unfortunately, my complaints were not at all uncommon, in fact they were the norm and she knew what a joke it all is. She didn't know the answers to my questions, and didn't know where to find them, but wrote them down to go ask her supervisor and called me back within ten minutes.

Turns out that of the 3 separate sets of Medicare Part B paperwork, that I have to fill out all 3 and my boss/business partners also have to fill out all 3. That's 9 iterations of the same information. Yes, they'll be submitted in triplicate to the Department of the Office of the Division of Redundancy Department. That's irrelevant right now anyway, because with my license I can't bill Medicare. I have to be fully licensed to bill Medicare, or anyone else, despite the fact that had I pursued an MD which is a lower degree, and easier and faster to obtain, I would be able to bill Medicare with my provisional license. Stupidheads.

Why did the great bloated and lumbering government bureaucracy cross the road? Who knows? Why the hell do they do anything?

Now I can still do the testing, as long as my boss is actually in the next room (nevermind that I've done it for six years already - mostly in a public hospital, so I've Seen. It. All.), but I can't bill for my time. He can bill for me at half the rate, noting that the testing was done by a "technician," then turn around and pay me an as yet to be determined flat hourly rate as an employee. Granted, this frees up some of his time to test other patients, but we were planning for me to go out and do rural geriatric outreach. He can't be two places at once so that's out and now I have to come up with a Plan B so that I can get some money coming in. I can't wait until December to start getting paid. I like my car and want to keep it. That old Merle Haggard song, "If We Make It Through December," keeps running through my head. Most of the work I've done in the last six years has been unpaid but now that I've gotten the PhD, the student loan fairy doesn't come here anymore.

The Man, who is officially retired now and also has no foreseeable income, was great about it though. When I told him, I was really expecting much grumbling, bitching and blaming along the lines of, "Spent all that money and worked your ass off for ten years working for free and now you have the doctorate and you can't get paid? Why couldn't you just stop with a bachelor's degree like normal people?" et cetera. Instead, he shocked the hell out of me by putting his arms around me and saying, "Sorry about that, Babe. We'll make it. We always do." This is true. I've soldiered on through far worse than this - and for longer than 10 months. I'm trying to be pissed off about not this latest wave of bullshit to slog through, but after blasting through four degrees and nearly a quarter million dollars in ten years, more than anything I just feel empty and frustrated and hobbled. I've already let the student loan companies know that when my payments start coming due in late May, that I'll be needing those deferment papers immediately because I can't pay what I don't have. Sigh.

So this is where I explain my blogging silence of late, dear readers. I've been busy looking for a job that I can get paid for doing. I've put in applications to teach psychology at every possible online university I can think of, and some more that I'd never heard of. I even put in an application at the university where I earned my BS degree to teach there, which I wasn't planning to do for several more years - like after I'd gotten my student loans paid off and was getting ready to retire from clinical work. It was the only one that really looked promising. University policy is to throw away incomplete applications. There were 17 applicants and of the 17, only one other person besides me submitted all of the requisite application materials. The other person only has a Master's and is ABD in a PsyD program. That position doesn't begin until August. I've also called one of the docs I worked under during my internship. My friends who still work for her say she's begging for people to do testing for the neverending parade of people applying for social security disability and Texas Rehabilitation Commission benefits. She has 14 therapists sharing 4 offices Monday through Thursday, but I'm going to see about going in on Fridays and Saturdays when the office is officially closed to do the evals. We'll see. Cross your fingers that the "get paid for working" fairy pays me a visit.

Truth is Stranger than Fiction

2008-01-27T20:54:00.000-06:00

This weekend has breathed new meaning into the phrase, "Truth is stranger than fiction." To begin with, The Man had gotten lazy about some things and the situation was getting worse, despite my modeling the appropriate behaviors and giving gentle hints. I refuse to nag, but he was not responding in the appropriate manner to gentle attempts at correcting his behavior, so Friday morning I sat him down and discussed the problem with him in a very businesslike manner giving him graphic detail of my long-standing dissatisfaction. When I said my piece, he said (are you sitting down?), "You're right. I'm sorry," all in the same breath. Then he set about making it right and actually giving me more than what I asked. I'm still stunned.

If that wasn't weird enough, Saturday morning, The Girl came to me and told me of a good friend (16) who met a 19-20 year old Marine a few weeks ago. They had been text messaging and she said she was in love with him and was planning to sneak out of her house Valentine's weekend to go give him her virginity. Now I'm not the abstinence queen, nor have I ever preached abstinence before marriage et cetera, but The Girl was really freaked out - not necessarily because her friend was going to have sex, but that she's underage and the guy will probably bail as soon as he gets what he wants - and what if she gets pregnant? Then what? The Girl said she'd feel somewhat responsible if her friend got pregnant or worse and she knew all along what her friend was planning. "Besides," she said, "If somebody has to sneak off to do something, that's a really good sign that maybe they shouldn't be doing whatever they're sneaking off to do." I told her that if it was that important to her that maybe she should talk to the girl's parents. She said she didn't know how to do it and asked me if I would. I pointed out that she was running the risk of ruining their friendship, that her friend might not ever trust her again, and it could go all over the school that she's a snitch. Still, she was willing to take that risk in her friend's best interest because she didn't want her friend to get hurt.

So I got in touch with the mom. You know going into some conversations that whatever news you have to give is going to be so bad that the only way to tell it is to just tell it. Good thing that's part of what they teach you in shrink school. I'd hope that someone would be kind enough to give me a heads up if it were The Girl. I asked her to go easy on her daughter because we all know how slick guys can be and asked her not to tell that my daughter was the one to break confidence. I guess she didn't hear that part because it wasn't 20 minutes before The Girl was getting a slew of text messages saying, "I thought you were my friend, how could you do this?" et cetera. I have to hand it to her though. The Girl stuck to her guns and explained to her friend that a real friend wouldn't let her do something that stupid. This from a girl who says she never wants to go into psychology, haha.

When I asked if she'd heard from her friend this morning she said, "Oh she's not mad at me anymore. In fact she thanked me." Again, I'm stunned.

Oh, and over 5,000 visits already? Gee thanks y'all!

DonateWise.com

2008-01-18T19:55:00.000-06:00

Other than her much welcome appearance (bearing wine, no less!) at my graduation back in July, I haven't really heard much from my younger sister Kate in a couple of years. Turns out, according to her she's been birthing an elephant and by the looks of things, I'd say she's right.

Aside from her amazing jazz vocals and stunning logo & web design, she's been involved in writing grants for nonprofits for several years around her home in Walla Walla, Washington. The experience of over a decade's worth of trying to help organizations find funding and donors find donees (is too a word) led her to a brainchild: DonateWise.com. In a way it's a matchmaking service that operates on a social networking model. It not only helps nonprofits find business and individual donors to meet their funding needs but also helps businesses and individuals find places to donate, and tracks donations for tax purposes. Is that just brilliant or what? She's a smart one, that K8, and she's turned her compassion for others into a venture that has the potential to help millions of people around the world. I'm so proud of her.

Although my awesome readership is really small (around 20 hits a day - thanks so much y'all!) I'm asking you to please tell anyone you know who donates or knows someone who donates to charity about her new venture. If you know of a nonprofit organization, tell them too. --Or, if you want to be really awesome, you could make a post on your blog about DonateWise, and your readership will tell two friends...and they'll tell two friends, and so on and so on.

Check her out. Sign up. Do something kind for someone else and I promise you'll feel good because of it. Better'n Prozac, I swear.

(Posted from Stephenville, Texas - where there was a UFO sighting just last week. -A good band mom isn't afraid to go anywhere.)

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - Things We Love to Hate

2008-01-14T05:55:00.000-06:00

Big Box Stores:

Homeland Security:

Abstinence:

"Business" as Usual:

B-List Do-Gooders:

Next week: Dunno yet. Surprise me!

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

Never Judge a Book By Its Cover

2008-01-13T02:54:00.000-06:00

Here's cellphone salesman Paul Potts from Wales who's always wanted to sing opera getting his big chance on "Britain's Got Talent." The reactions of the judges are priceless. All I can say is wow. Enjoy

WTF?

2008-01-09T19:54:00.000-06:00

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - The Race

2008-01-07T05:55:00.000-06:00

The Iowas Caucus wound down this weekend, ushering in a new wave of election year nonsense. I hope you've got a good pair of waders because this year the bullshit will be piled high and deep.

It's Good to Be in DC:

Good to be in DC! | Funny Jokes at JibJab

Homophobic Anti-Science Policies:

Bush's New Homophobic Anti-Science Surgeon General | Funny Jokes at JibJab

Zombies on the Election:

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

Rabbit & Mouse on the Campaign Trail:

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

And finally, a candidate who tells the truth:

Next week: Things we love to hate.

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

Mom's Book Release

2008-01-04T11:21:00.000-06:00

How cool is this? My mom has been writing poetry for some time and after winning a string of major poetry awards a couple of years ago, she thought it might be fun to get her work published. After all the negotiations with publishers, firing her agent and figuring out how to get it done without the middleman, it's finally done. The book was released today through Barnes & Noble, Borders and, of course, Amazon. Her poetry is written in ordinary language and she writes about everything from her cats and grandchildren to politics to growing up wishing her abusive mother was dead. It's all about the human condition and is a roller coaster ride of a read. I know because Mom gave me an autographed copy weeks ago.

I just talked to Mom on the phone and she sounded ecstatic. Of course she gave me permission to plug her book here. Go buy a copy - make a little old white-haired cancer survivor on oxygen's day.

I am so proud of her.

'07 in Review

2008-01-03T07:42:00.000-06:00

Don't send a lame Holiday eCard. Try JibJab Sendables!

Holidaze Over, Need Naps Nao Plz. Kthxbai.

2008-01-01T11:45:00.000-06:00

moar funny pictures

Look. I maded a lolcat - but I eated it. This kitteh blongs to The Grandtwins. I like cats - as long as they're "over there." I have serious allergy to cats that leaves my eyes looking like the creature from The Blob. Anyway, I took this picture at a recent gathering at their house. Just moments before, kitteh was beating the hell outta that reindeer plushy so my caption seemed appropriate. I don't know if it will make it to I Can Has Cheezburger or not but it was fun to do anyway.

It's been a busy few days. Mostly I've been curled up by the fire reading books in my new leather chair (which matches the new leather group & tables that The Man & I purchased for Holiday - yes, apparently after 14 years our relationship has moved into the "one large purchase for everyone" phase. Next year what do you want to bet we buy a plasma TV "for both of us"?). At any rate, I read books (devoured, if I'm being honest) - real books of the non-academic type. Books that had nothing to do with brains or neuropsychology or academics and were not written at a postgraduate level, so I blasted through them in no time flat.

Bitter is the New Black

Little Black Book of Wine

Frommer's Dream Vacations

Windows on the World Complete Wine Course

I Am Woman, I Am Invincible...I Am Tired

The Complete Travel Detective Bible

Culture Shock! Scotland: A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette

...and my personal favorite, Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations. I really have a thing for Chef Bourdain. Not that he'd ever be in danger of crossing my path, what with me firmly grounded in Texas and him trotting the 'round globe, and all that business about personal and professional ethics, so the whole stalker thing is out. Still, I think he'd be fun to party with and it would be so refreshing to have a conversation with someone with a broad world view who actually had something interesting to say. Sigh.

Other than that, The Girl hosted a Monty Python-Athon the day after Xmas, so the house was descended upon by a dozen or so teenagers bearing Spam and coconut shells. It was fun and since there's a state-wide curfew for teenage drivers, they were all gone by midnight except the one or two girls spending the night.

Last night we went to a New Year's Eve/Suz's Birthday party at her new hubby's best friend's new home. They built it themselves over the last two years and it still isn't quite finished, but they've moved in. Funny, when I have people over I at least make sure to pick up the common areas of the house, run a quick dust cloth over things and clean the bathrooms, but even between cleanings every week my house doesn't get like that. Don't even get me started on the cocktail weenies in storebought barbeque sauce and the uber-sweet Doux sparkling wine thing toast at midnight and the egregious faux pas in the lack of blackeyed peas on the table - at a New Year's party in Texas - harrumph. The fireworks that I imported from Missouri after Grandpa's funeral were the highlight of our evening out. Looks like I'm going to need to visit Grandma sometime before the 4th of July for a refill.

As soon as we got home, we cracked open a bottle of Asti Spumante (not my favorite but I was out of Roederer and Asti is what The Man likes in sparkling varietals) and we each ate a bowl of blackeyed peas with salt jowl that I had put in the slow cooker in the afternoon.

Other than that, now that I've rabidly consumed most of the non-academic books I've accumulated in the last 2 years, I'm plowing into a few more books to help me prepare for my postdoc work:

The Paper Office talks at length about the ethical considerations of marketing, billing, doing business with third-party payers, et cetera, and it includes sample forms so I won't have to re-invent the wheel in creating my own forms when I'm fully licensed to hang out my shingle.

Successful Private Practice in Neuropsychology is pretty much just what the title says. It's a kind of how-to in keeping the practitioner's clinical, teaching and research interests in balance and still paying the bills while alone on the private practice mountaintop. So far a lot of what she says makes me think, "Well, duh..." but there are some good nuggets of wisdom in there from someone who's been there, so I'm not going to dismiss it entirely.

There's also Geriatric Neuropsychology, which I haven't delved into yet. Considering that my area of expertise is geriatric neuropsychological functioning, one wouldn't think that I would need a book like that, but in the interest of keeping myself educated about current methodology and research, that's exactly the kind of book I need. I'm looking forward to digging in this evening.

I don't know anything else right now other than I've got a big ol' pot of New Year's Day blackeyed peas in the slow cooker, a ham in the oven and cornbread with fried taters & onions just begging for me to cook them. I hope everyone has a healthy, happy and wildly prosperous 2008 filled with love, and that all of your fondest dreams are made real. That said, if you'll excuse me, I'm getting back to my books and my comfy leather chair by the fire.

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - New Year's Resolutions

2007-12-31T05:55:00.000-06:00

Since today is New Year Eve, I thought it would be timely to inspect the phenomenon of New Year's Resolutions. The only one I made last year was to finish that Gawddamned Neverending Writing Project. It was the only resolution I've ever kept in all my 41 years and was such a hassle that I hesitate to proffer any new resolutions for the coming year. One thing's for sure. I won't be one of those folks who go for multiple PhDs. I'm just not that masochistic. Besides, they don't call you Doctor Doctor if you have more than one. At any rate, on with the show.

Good luck with that:

Gus's Resolutions:

Emo Dave's Resolutions:

Right?

Party on...

Ever had an "Oh Shit" moment?

Happy New Year, Y'all!

Next week: We'll figure it out when we get there.

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - Drunk Santa

2007-12-24T05:55:00.000-06:00

Since today's Christmas Eve, we're going to take a look at Santa's little drinking habit:

Why Santa shouldn't drink before filming PSAs:

Santa's DUI:

It's a Merry Fuckin' Christmas:

Be careful whose chimney you try to go down:
Drunk Santa Is Not Welcome At That House

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Who are you again?
a message from santa

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Next week: New Year's Resolutions

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

Gingerbread Porn

2007-12-22T08:33:00.000-06:00

Apparently I'm to go to jail for this activity, but one of the treats you're likely to find around here this time of year are my -ahem- special gingerbread people. The recipe is most tasty, but it's the creativity with nonpareils and attention to detail in the decorating process that keeps people squealing with perverse delight and begging for more.

Doc's Anatomically Correct Gingerbread People

Cream in mixer:
1 cup butter (room temp)
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs (room temp)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Sift dry ingredients twice and slowly add to creamed mixture but stop mixing as soon as incorporated into the wet stuff so you don't overwork the dough & make it tough:
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground mace
5 cups cake flour (do not substitute!)

Divide into 3 or 4 portions & refrigerate for at least 3 hours.

Working with a little bit at a time, roll out the dough with a lightly floured rolling pin onto a lightly floured surface - it's easier with a silicone rolling pin.

Cut out desired shapes & lay out gently on nonstick foil or a silicone baking mat.

Press nonpareils or raisins into the dough. Have fun.

(The more you work the dough the tougher it becomes so be careful!)

Bake in a 375 degree oven until lightly browned around the edges.

If you're using frosting, put it on after the cookies have cooled.

As an added bonus since today is my one year "blogaversary," and I don't know if I want to post 365 random things about me since I do that almost daily, here's a wonderful tweak on the gingerporn recipe.

Doc's Gingerdoodles

If you don't have the time - or patience - to fuck around with all those little nonpareils, try the same recipe with only 4 cups of cake flour instead of 5, again taking great care not to overwork the dough. Bake at 350 degrees instead of 375. Just roll the dough into little balls and roll the top half in some sparkling sugar (like you do with Snickerdoodles, hence the name) and bake until just golden around the edges. These come out more cake-like and are just delicious - especially with a nice mulled wine or warm brandy. Yummmmm.

Why I Don't Mind Sitting in the Corner...

2007-12-21T07:59:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I redecorated my bedroom and posted before & after pictures. There was a little fan back chair that was given to me 20 years ago by a much beloved great aunt in the room that suddenly didn't "go" anymore. So on the day before Thanksgiving, The Girl & I loaded it up into the back of one of The Man's pickup trucks and hauled it to the same upholsterer who re-covered it ten years ago. Interestingly, the guy remembered the chair and was happy to give it yet another new skin. He also told me that I won't find a chair of that quality today, which made me happy because I've always liked that chair, even when I was a little girl. The Girl & I pored over many fabric books and she found this beautiful fabric in ivory with gold scrollies all over it. The upholsterer's assistant delivered the chair Saturday, just in time for the party. We tossed in a little wooden book case from my childhood and the green cashmere throw came from Overstock.com and I got it for a song. If you didn't know better, you wouldn't know that little corner of my world didn't look like that all along.

Sangria for People Who Don't LIke Sangria

2007-12-18T07:00:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine just called to thank me for the wonderful time she had at our midwinter gathering Saturday night. While she was at it, she asked me what brand of Sangria I served, because ordinarily she hates the stuff, but whatever it was that I was serving was wonderful and she wanted to pick some up to keep on hand. A lot of people who were here Saturday night echoed her sentiments, to the tune of a rousing chorus of "We hate Sangria, but we love this!" They drank all of it and I think I saw some of them sucking on the marbles from the serving jar late into the evening...

The problem is that most people associate Sangria with that stuff you get at the grocery store for $2.99. Blech. Please don't waste your time or your precious tastebuds with that swill. Take five minutes to do something lovely and make something drinkable. It really is simple. Just dump a bunch of stuff in a bowl and go. There are eleventy jillion recipes out there for Sangria. Here's mine and although it does vary somewhat depending on what I have around, it is consistently good.

Doc's Sangria for People Who Don't Like Sangria

2 bottles of good, dry red wine (preferably of Spanish origin)
2 bottles of sparkling white wine (Asti Spumanti is a good choice)
1 cup sugar
1 cup or so of rum, brandy, cognac or vodka, depending on what you have around
12 oz orange juice
12 oz pineapple juice
12 oz peach nectar
1 whole orange, sliced thin
other thinly sliced fruit - pineapple, lemon, lime, peaches are all good choices but use what you have - probably not bananas though - the fruit sucks up some of the alcohol and makes for a tasty snack.

Dissolve the sugar in the red wine

Combine everything but the sparkling wine & if you have time, let sit &/or chill for a few hours - if not, nobody will die if you don't.

Put everything in your serving bowl & add the sparkling wine. Serve over ice. To keep it chilled without diluting, put some of the original mixture in ice cube trays or a pretty ring mold and freeze, then float it on top of the final product in your punch bowl.

I like to use my infusion jar for serving this sweet elixir of life. The presentation is just lovely with the big-ass glass jar, the marbles in the bottom and the little brass spigot. If you get one, don't forget to buy the stand so that you can get cups under the spigot without having to leave the jar perched precariously on the edge of the table and don't forget the marbles, which keep the fruit from clogging up the spigot, which doesn't sound important until you have to go fishing a big chunk of peach out of there. You can also freeze the marbles to help keep your deliciousness cold.

This recipe easily divides in half or can be multiplied. Have fun and please drink responsibly - this stuff can sneak up on you!

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - More Holiday Hijinx

2007-12-17T05:55:00.000-06:00

This week there were just too many holiday parodies yet to share so here we go:

Santa vs. Candy Cane:

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

Holiday stress gets to everybody, I guess...

The Secret Life of Santa:

Santa's PC Makeover:

Caroling Remix:

Next week: Santa's had too much eggnog!

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

Yummy Asian Balls

2007-12-14T08:26:00.000-06:00

You may have seen something like this on your local Chinese Buffet. These little guys are just the yummiest little appetizer tidbits ever. You can bake, steam or grill them on little bamboo skewers that have been soaked in water and keep them warm on a warming platter or chafer. Your guests will be clamoring for more, and they're better if made a couple of days ahead and re-warmed in a low oven for a few minutes.

Doc's Hot Juicy Balls
2 & 1/2 pounds pork butt (you can use ground pork if you don't own a Cuisinart, but eliminate the sesame oil because of the extra fat in the ground meat)
1 egg
4 Tablespoons soy sauce
4 Tablespoons Nuoc Mam (fish sauce - available in the ethnic section of the grocery - don't freak out that it smells like dirty twat right out of the bottle - once it's mixed with other things and/or cooked it loses that pungency)
4 Tablespoons dry sherry
4 Tablespoons liquid smoke
2 teaspoons sugar
2 tablespoons corn starch
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
3 cloves fresh garlic
2 green onions - tops and all

Run all of this through youe Cuisinart until very smooth, or mince it all up very fine and mix it very well by hand. Form little walnut-sized balls (it helps to keep your hands wet to keep the mixture from sticking to your skin).

To cook them you can brown them off in a skillet or on top of your pancake griddle if you're making a whole bunch, then transfer them to a cookie sheet to bake in a 350 degree oven for about 20 minutes. Or you can run them onto bamboo skewers soaked in water for at least 30 minutes and finish cooking them on a low grill. - Makes about 75.

I like to serve these in a chafer with some Asian-flavored chicken or beef broth to keep them moist and serve a traditional dipping sauce with them although some people like to use prepackaged Hoisin or sweet & sour sauce (Although why anyone would want to do that when this is so tasty and easy is beyond me).

Dipping Sauce:
1 Cup Nuoc Mam
3 Tablespoons Dry Sherry
3 Tablespoons Sugar
2 cloves grated garlic
1 good-sized chunk of freshly grated ginger
1/2 cup grated daikon radish or Wasabi to taste
juice of 1 lime
Chili oil or chili garlic paste to taste

1 green onion - tops & all - sliced very finely for garnish

Mix well & chill overnight in 'fridge so all the yumminess of the different ingredients has time to intermingle. You can serve this as is or you can warm it up and add a couple tablespoons of cornstarch mixed with about a half cup of cold water and cook it over medium heat until it thickens. The sauce sticks to the meatballs better this way.

Doc's Butter Cookies

2007-12-13T07:30:00.001-06:00

When I was a kid, I loved these cookies, specifically the pretzel-shaped ones with the big fat sugar crystals on top. As I got older and more interested in culinary pursuits, I found several recipes for similar cookies and tried all of them. Inevitably, they turned out too dry, not sweet enough or something else that made the end product not to my liking. I've never met a recipe I couldn't tweak, so here's my take on one of my childhood favorites.

Doc's Butter Cookies

2 cups butter (yes - one full pound of REAL butter - no substitutes)
2 &1/2 cups confectioner's sugar (sifted)
2 hard cooked egg yolks (sieved)
2 raw egg yolks
1 teaspoon vanilla extract (or vanilla infused vodka)
1 teaspoon almond extract (or amaretto)
4 cups cake flour (sifted - do NOT substitute all-purpose)
2 lightly beaten egg yolks
approx 3/4 cup India Tree sparkling sugar

Begin with all ingredients at room temperature. In a mixer beat butter until creamy then add confectioner's sugar and beat until fluffy and light. Beat in egg yolks and vanilla/amaretto, then slowly beat in flour. Separate into 4 roughly equal portions, wrap in plastic and refrigerate for at least an hour.

When the dough is removed from the refrigerator it will be difficult to work with. I recommend cutting it into rough chunks to make the warming up faster, so the dough is easier to work with sooner. It can get a little goopy to work with if your hands are too warm, but be patient. It will be worth it.

Using a walnut-sized or so's worth of dough for each cookie, roll into little ropes then shape them into pretzel or other shapes as you like and place on a cookie sheet (I love my Silpat mats or Release foil) Using a pastry brush, brush cookies with the egg white then LIBERALLY sprinkle the sparkling sugar on top.

Bake these in a 350 degree oven until golden brown around the edges - about 12 minutes or so. -Makes about 60.

It's just not December around here until these are on the table.

Okay I have loads to do today to get ready for the next round of partying on Saturday. Y'all have fun and let me know how yours turn out.

12 Days - Condemned Cartoon Carnival Style

2007-12-10T05:55:00.000-06:00

This week I give you Twelve Days - CCC style.
From Straight, No Chaser:

Redneck 12 Days:

12 Days of Crimmus from da' Hood:

Bob & Doug McKenzie:

12 Pains of Christmas:

12 Days After Christmas:

And no Pagan Holiday would be complete without my all-time favorite: Fay McKay's 12 Daze - 3 Ways!:

And from Fay herself:

Next week: Probably more holiday silliness.

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

Fireside Afternoon

2007-12-09T16:10:00.001-06:00

It's nasty, wet and cold today (okay, maybe not by Kate's standards, but definitely by mine). The Man has gone hunting for a few days, The Girl's at the movies with a friend and I have a few quiet hours all to myself for the first time since last Friday. The house is clean, the laundry's done, the mass shredding's over with. The Girl and a couple of her friends drooled as I made rum balls and bourbon balls for next weekend earlier today. I've got a fire going, a duck marinating in orange juice, 5 spice & ginger, a pot of soap in the crock pot, and am about to light into making a batch of tiny orange/spice/brandy cakes for Saturday's party. Yes, most of my midwinter party foods typically contain booze of some sort. Even the meatballs have a little sherry in 'em, but it's all about keeping a festive glow on the cheeks. ;o) I'm going to try to prepare one or two items a day this week so that I'm not killing myself Saturday and can enjoy my guests.

The old furniture gets hauled away Tuesday & the new arrives Thursday. Yes, The Man escorted me to the giant furniture store on the other side of the galaxy from here. He liked the leather group I picked out but I made him pick out the tables. He picked some that I knew he'd like but that cost more than I really wanted to spend. I was surprised that he went for them, but it made him feel included in the process, which was why I wanted him to go. The last thing I wanted to have happen is for me to pick it all out by myself then him not like it and me have to listen to him bitch for the next 10 years. No thanks. I guess spending all that money left him exhausted because when we got back home he slept for the rest of the day.

You know, after ten years in school, it feels weird not to have academic work hanging over my head, nagging at me like a nosy mother in law. Surely that feeling of needing to be productive all the time will pass eventually. For now I want to just enjoy a few domestic pleasures before diving headfirst back into the deep end of the pool of clinical work. --And you know what? Since I can, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

The First Week of the Rest of My Life, or Funny, You Don't LOOK Like a Doctor

2007-12-07T07:25:00.000-06:00

Man, have I been busy! While I was waiting for permissions guy, I remembered that I never did complete "Neuropsychology 101," and thereby complete the neuropsychology concentration certificate program I was taking concurrent with the PhD. The visions in my head showed me, a few years down the road, applying to take the neuropsychology board exams so I can put ABPN behind the PhD and officially be able to call myself a neuropsychologist. The rejection letter read something like this: "Dear Schmuck, We've noticed that you have extensive advanced coursework in neuropsychology in addition to impressive clinical work in practicum, internship, postdoctoral fellowship and specialized clinical training, but you never took Neuro 101. Sorry, but you can't be in our club. Thanks but no thanks, Neurodudes." Considering that boards like that are always looking for reasons to not let people in, I didn't want to take that risk. Besides, I was instrumental in getting the neuropsychology concentration off the ground and was the first president of the neuropsychology student association, so what kind of model was I presenting to those who came after me? Soooo, I asked the much-beloved professor about what to do and he was still willing to allow me to phone in my work. I didn't realize it would take 2 hours, but it's finished. I even got an A.

I got tired of waiting for "permissions guy" (since I was only asking for permission as a professional courtesy as the work is in the public domain), and sent my dissertation to the printer for the final copies. I've done business with these people since The Girl was a baby, back before I had my personal shopping business. When Arlene called to tell me the copies were ready to pick up, I asked her how much I owed, and she told me that she only charged me 7 cents per sheet, as if she had run them on the copier, not on the printing press, using the heavy 25% cotton bond archival quality paper. When I got there, she added the official original signature pages and lovingly shrink-wrapped each copy. She even had a shipping label ready for me. When we taped up the box, she said she had something else she wanted to go over with me so we went inside and she pointed out the shredder - then promptly stuck my invoice into it and refused to allow me to pay because she and her husband are so proud of how far I've come.

(A proud Arlene with the final copies and the UMI forms.)

I went straight to the post office to mail that bad boy off and get it out of my hair fo'evah and couldn't stop smiling while I was in line. Surely I looked like some kind of lunatic, but I didn't care. The clerk asked me how much I wanted to insure it for and I asked her how one places a value on 7 years of your life. It cost $40 to ship via express mail, but it was worth it to know that it would be delivered no later than noon PST Monday December 3, thus marking the officially official final and terminal no shit, for real, honest to GAWD end to my status as a student. I don't know about y'all, but I felt the gravitational pull of the earth shift as the weight of that thing slipped from my shoulders.

Meanwhile, The Man was celebrating his last day in the workforce. His coworkers were having a happy hour for him after work so The Girl and I went to a new restaurant in the town where Suz & I grew up. As soon as I got a taste of that first margarita swirl, I knew she & hubby needed to join us. Then, they made some seriously awesome guacamole at the table and I was hooked. Now that The Girl is fully licensed to drive, I could have two margaritas because I didn't have to worry about driving home.

So Saturday, we traversed to a town about 100 miles away for All-Region Band tryouts - she on the bus, me in my car so I could escape & get lunch. I was recruited to be room monitor for the clarinet room and was thrilled beyond belief that I didn't have to judge flutes this year. I wasn't prepared for the ensuing boredom though. To keep myself entertained, I was making faces, chair dancing, checking email & playing Bejeweled on my iPhone - anything to stay awake. No, the kids couldn't see me - I was sitting behind them. Over in the flute room, it may come as no surprise that The Girl was kicking ass and taking names. She made 5th chair Symphonic band, which means that she gets to advance to All-Area auditions next month. All four girls ahead of her are seniors so look out next year. I am so proud of my Girl. She never ceases to amaze me.

Sunday found me beginning the purging process in my office. I began with the closet from hell, which really looks like an annex of Staples more than anything else. I took everything out

and put it in the middle of the room, which was already pretty crowded.
I've sifted through every piece of paper from 7 years in gradual school, the soap business and every other aspect of my life. In addition to the 3 bins I've already done and the 1 left for me to go, The Man is finally going through all of his mother's papers now that he has time. She was a professional patient so we have boxes of her "sensitive medical information" dating back to 1976 that need to be shredded. It's beginning to sound a lot like Enron around here with all the shredding.

Monday I met with a colleague of mine from school to discuss a business venture that ties her internship, my postdoc and our future private practice all up into one tidy package - with lovely ribbons and bows. More as things develop, but let's just say the prospect is very exciting and that I'll be living one of those, "I made ridiculous amounts money working part time from home doing what I love," infomercials. Later in the day, I found out that the final copies of my dissertation landed at the school about the time we began our meeting. The university officially can't ask me to do Another. Fucking. Thing. Ever.

Tuesday morning found me finishing up the paperwork for the provisional license. I was also doing more sifting and shredding of paper. Tuesday evening we went to The Grandtwins' Xmas pageant at school. The contemporary praise music feel of the thing really didn't do it for me. At. All. The kids were cute though and they were proud of their performance, which was, thankfully, short.

Wednesday Mom & I went furniture shopping - finally. We've only been trying to go since I painted the living room. We When I got home and told The Man what & where I'd found what I want and when we have an appointment to go see the salesperson, he asked, "Do I have to go? Just go get what you want." Which led to a rather heated conversation (on my end) about how it was my understanding that my job was just to go narrow it down to a couple of options then we would decide together and that if I had known he was just going to tell me to get whatever, I could have handled it right then and there instead of having to make 2 trips to a store that's 80 miles away. Needless to say, he will be joining me at 10am tomorrow to select from the finalists.

Yesterday, The Man & I went to the new office of the practice where I served my internship to pick up a little cabinet and the neatest little fold-out table that I used for testing. When it's folded up, it looks like a little cabinet, but it has a secret. It was the perfect table for the micro-space we had in that office. I don't think anyone has dusted either of them since I left, even though it looked as if everyone and their dog were using them. When I tried to slide out the little table though, one of the hinges was bent and the support wouldn't slide out. Pissed me off, but The Man helped me bend it back so that I can slide it out. I'm going to leave it out for awhile & maybe it will stick. If it doesn't I'll just replace the hinge later. Still, what the fuck is wrong with people that they tear stuff up then don't offer to fix or replace what they've damaged?

Today I'll finalize the shredding and sifting in my office, list that Treo on eBay and make some soap. It's nice to have less clutter in my space.

After all that, I have to start preparations for a midwinter party we're having next Saturday. There's plenty of cooking and baking and cleaning and shining of stuff to be done, but I've still not gotten over the feeling that there's no more academic writing to be done. How long does it take for that go to away?

That's all I know right now. Gotta scoot - there's more shredding yet to do.

Love,
Me, Ph.D.

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - Whatever

2007-12-03T05:55:00.000-06:00

This week I didn't have clue one what to do, so it's just whatever strikes my fancy. The kids at Vancouver Film School usually have something funny.

Happy:

Sweatpants:

In the Beginning:

Bait and Switch:

Next week: Something holiday oriented.

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

Another Redecorating Effort

2007-11-29T06:53:00.000-06:00

So decorating project #2 was The Girl's bathroom. She picked out the colors and all the accoutrements with no guidance from me. Good taste must be genetic. Interestingly, the red she chose is the exact same red I painted my office in 2004, which was the last time I had time to think about decor. So without further ado, pictures:
I'm horrible about taking pictures and forgot to take before pictures but the walls were white, the shower curtain was beige and there was this hideous bird print fabric from the early 80's when the house was built on the backsplash and furdown. It was with much delight that she removed it - and she insisted upon removing it herself, by hand no less.

Oh and 4,000 visits since last December? Thanks y'all.

Another Snag

2007-11-28T07:21:00.000-06:00

Just when I thought I was done... The proofreader's corrections have been handled and my dissertation is ready to publish except for one huge detail. I needed permissions from 3 people to use graphics and a modified table from their research in order for UMI to publish my dissertation. I sent emails asking for those 2 & 1/2 weeks ago when I found out I needed to get permissions for these (why someone -anyone- didn't clue me in to that little nugget months ago, I have no idea). Two of the people responded within an hour of my initial request and gave me permission not only to use their work now but in the future in the event I go completely insane and decide to do more research based on my results. Nice huh - even though monkeys are more likely to fly out of my ass than I will voluntarily engage in more research. The third guy is seriously pissing me off. After 3 emails and a voicemail from me, plus a voicemail from him Monday morning apologizing for the delay and promising said permission by the end of business Monday, I still don't have it. It's not like it's a difficult process. Because of today's reliance on electronic communication, all he has to do is reply to one of my emails and say, "Yes, you have my permission to use this table in your published dissertation." That's it. It took him longer to dial my phone number and leave me a message than it took to type that sentence. I can't start my postdoc and get on with the rest of my non-academic life until I have that permission, get the thing printed and the final copies land on the dissertation coordinator's desk at the school.

What the hell is it with people? You know, this is America - everyone is so busy they can't find their own asses with both hands - EVERYONE! Sadly, such the nature of our society. Some people adapt and overcome and get things done anyway - especially no-brainer stuff. Others, use their particular level of "busy" as an excuse, when in reality they're no busier than the next person.

All is not lost though. The work is in the public domain. I was just asking permission as a professional courtesy. I'm giving him until tomorrow. If I don't hear from him by then, I'm citing it as such, getting the damn thing printed and moving on.

New Driver

2007-11-27T06:31:00.000-06:00

Please don't let The Girl know I'm half in tears this morning. I can hardly believe that as of yesterday, my sweet, precious baby girl is licensed to drive a car - all by herself. You know, of all the "firsts" in a child's life, this one has to be the scariest. I'm about to send her to school alone, driving her own car by herself for the first time. Oh, I'm not worried about her. She's a good driver with a good head on her shoulders - very conscientious and polite, watches her speed (mine, too when I'm driving) and isn't a road-rage event waiting to happen. No, I'm worried about all you other fools out there driving around on "auto pilot" while you're talking on your cell phones, putting on your makeup, reading your mail, et cetera. Take it easy out there and pay attention please - that blonde in the cute little red 4X4 truck is my baby. I'd like her to come home in one piece.

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - Aliens

2007-11-26T05:55:00.000-06:00

This week I give you Aliens. Frankly, I think it's arrogant to think we're alone in the cosmos.

Why they leave us alone (mostly):

How to Survive an Alien Attack:

Aliens Schmaliens:

Contact:

Next week: I have no clue.

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

Happy Thanksgiving, Y'all!

2007-11-22T09:53:00.000-06:00

What? No turkey? Nah - even though I'll buy one or two around this time of year because they're on sale, I just throw them in the freezer for later. We eat turkey at weird times of the year - like for no reason other than I'm craving it. Ever oppositional and not likely to do what we're "supposed" to do, my family is just as likely to have a good lasagne or tamales or jambalaya as anything else on major holidays with pre-scripted menus. This year, I'm taking The Girl to my mom's and The Man & I are headed to some land that we lease for hunting. Three days, just the two of us...with any luck there will be much nekkidness and debauchery out there in the woods. Oh, and this year he's cooking for me. His culinary skills are rather limited so we'll be having steak, baked potato and salad tonight and grilled pork chop, some kind of potatoes and salad tomorrow night. We'll probably stop for a Sonic burger on the way home Saturday night. Life is good.

I don't care about taking a deer. We still haven't eaten all of the one The Girl gook last year. What I want is feral hog. Oh. Mah. Gawd. Becky. That's some good eatin' right thar. All they eat is acorns and bugs and they aren't hammered with the antibiotics, growth hormones or other additives, that make the meat taste weird. The meat doesn't get dried out and the flavor! Man I'm drooling just thinking about it.

Okay, so what am I thankful for? All of my wonderful family and friends, plenty to eat, lots to laugh about and relatively few worries. I'm thankful that I finally finished that neverending writing project and now people are supposed to call me "Doctor," (even though I don't insist upon it). I'm thankful that despite my having spent the last ten years pursuing my education, my teenager is relatively trouble and drama-free, as are my relationships with my spouse and my mom. I'm thankful for my new car, which is just too damn much fun to drive. I'm thankful that my postdoc is about to begin and will be just as I have envisioned it (love me some manifesting, I do!). I'm thankful that we're healthy and happy and all of our needs are more than met, as are most of our wants. Finally though, I am thankful that The Man will work his last day at the crazy-making place next Friday November 30. That's right - just one more work week and he's coming back home to me. He'll be able to work with his cattle and hay and do some consulting on the side. He'll get to set the pay rate and the rules for when, where and with whom he works.

Life is good. I wish the same and so much more for all of you.

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - Turkey Day

2007-11-19T05:55:00.000-06:00

In honor of our national holiday, Thanksgiving, where really all we do is gather 'round a huge turkey dinner (after mom has worked her ass off cooking for the previous 3 days) then we're too miserable to do anything else for the rest of the day, this week I give you Turkey Day.

Celebrity Bric-a-Brac Theatre:

Thanksgiving: The Movie

Butterball Test:

Dot's Thanksgiving Play:

Thanksgiving with James Brown & Kenny Rogers:

Next week: Aliens

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

Oasis

2007-11-14T06:37:00.000-06:00

Really the best way to describe the old look of the master bedroom was "Quilt Overload." Boooooorrrriiiinnngggg!! When I last painted, The Man informed me that I could paint the house any color I wanted as long as it was white. This, from a man who requires assistance in matching his ties to the rest of his work attire every morning. Once I painted The Girl's bedroom yellow, our bathroom a pale green (mental institution green if I'm being honest), and my home office a deep burgundy three years ago, and he actually liked them, that whole idea of white being the only suitable color for walls has gone out the window. Good thing too, because once I turned 40 I do as I damn well please. That wouldn't fly today - in fact I'd paint it baby shit green just to be oppositional if he tried that now.

Deep in the throes of the internship and the neverending writing project I didn't have time to do much in the way of anything, much less redecorating since my last major undertaking. Since I seem to have nothing but time for the next few weeks, it's on. I finished the master bedroom yesterday, despite having to take one can of paint back to Lowe's so they could put color in the paint. Don't get me started on the stupid little twit at the returns desk. Even The Girl noted the level of stupidity.

Granted, The Man & I almost came to blows over the stupid drapery hardware for which it's necessary to have an advanced engineering degree to put them back together, but we figured it out. I hate drapes anyway. They block my beautiful views of the trees, fields, et cetera. Their days may be numbered as I am seriously considering putting big ol' plantation shutters in there, but we'll see.

The little fan back chair in the corner (given to me 20 years ago by a much beloved late great aunt) will be taken to the upholsterer in the next few days to be re-covered in material closer to that of the bedspread. Interestingly enough, the new stuff will be similar to the upholstery it originally sported back in the 1950's when the chair was made through about ten years ago when I began living here.
I may need to learn to watch TV so I have a reason to just "be" in here.

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - Open Season

2007-11-12T05:55:00.000-06:00

This week: Open Season

Our first submission this week is once again from ghost hunter Romulus Crowe, noting that it covers "open season," "hunting season," and "in season," all in one shot:

Canned hunts for Everyman:

Someone actually gave The Man one of these last year...

It's safer on the sofa...

Smack-talking hood ornament:

Aaaaand finally, If it's Brown, it's Down:

Next week: Turkey Day

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

Overall, It's All Guuuud

2007-11-11T20:19:00.000-06:00

Friday, my dissertation arrived from the Proofreader - only about 2 weeks late but whatever. You know, you'd think that as strong as my writing skills are and with as many eyeballs as have viewed that document as it has developed over the last couple of years, that there wouldn't have been THAT FUCKING MUCH RED INK all over the goddamn thing. Honestly, I had a little bit of a come-apart over it Friday afternoon, but finished everything by noon today. I'm still waiting on official permissions from original copyright holders to use a couple of graphics but it should be on its way to the printer in a couple of days. None too soon, either. I'm so way past sick of looking at it...gaaaah.

In other news, The Girl's football team won their game Friday night, thus winning the district championship for the umpteenth year in a row. The good news is that the upcoming playoff game will only about 45 minutes away and will be played on Friday night. This, of course, is good news for the football team because it means that their game won't have to be canceled ;o) and The Girl's party will be celebrated on schedule. Aside from food, all we really have left to pick up are the HotWheels plates, plastic forks & spoons and helium for those badass balloons. The Man even hooked up the trailer for the hayride this afternoon when he came home from hunting.

Speaking of food, any suggestions for good (preferably blacklight-reactive) snack foods that are teen-friendly?

Last night, The Girl had her All-District concert. I had to have her happy ass at school at 6:30 am. Of course I came home and went back to bed instead of working on the proofreader's corrections but I'd been in the concession stand slinging popcorn all by myself from 3:30 until nearly 11:30 Friday night. I did get to work on the corrections for about an hour & 1/2 before it was time to go to the concert 90 miles away. That was enough time to wade through the first chapter. The concert was really nice, as always. The kids that make the bands are the cream of the crop so of course the music is good. The drive back in the new car was awesome, too - even in the dark and I hate driving in the dark. I had another band mom along and we could talk without shouting - even with that huge ass sunroof all the way open. I really dig that car...I might have to keep it.

The coming week will be busy. Monday & Tuesday we're having a new air conditioning/heating system installed. The old one is pushing 30 years old and the AC side of it went tits-up last week. We had the option of just replacing the AC at around 2500 with only the AC guaranteed for the next 5 years or replacing the whole thing for 6K including a 10 year warranty, a $500 rebate from the power company and a tax break, plus about a 35-40% reduction in our power bills year 'round. Needless to say, we don't have to be hit over the head to understand that sometimes you have to spend a dime to make a dollar. While all that's going on, I'll be painting this week - the master bedroom Monday, the living room Tuesday and The Girl's bathroom Wednesday. I'll try to post before & after pictures, but they may not be up until next week due to party-readiness. I knew you'd understand.

That's all I know right now. Y'all have a great week.

The View from Here

2007-11-09T09:20:00.001-06:00

So - where have I been since Tuesday? Putting over 400 miles on my new ride, and getting sunburned from its freakishly large sunroof(s). Said ride (2007 Ford Edge) was lovingly delivered by The Man Tuesday evening. Since he's officially given notice that November 30 is his last day working at the crazy-making place (yippee!!) and I'm about to go back to work (any day now, really!), and will be burning up the highways in a manner that will make Texaco proud, I needed to get out of my gas-sucking Tahoe and get into something more economical while we can still get employee pricing.
Of course, although I've been researching them online and seen the commercials, I wasn't counting on the damn thing being so cute in person. Not to mention fun to drive, with great handling & road manners, no engine noise (seriously - my dad didn't think it was running when I showed it to him) and minimal road noise - even with the freakishly huge sunroof all the way open and barreling 80mph down the highway! No shit - and I am not making this up - in addition to holding conversations with The Girl using a normal tone of voice, I have been able to have actual cell phone conversations with the sunroof open - not just vented - but gaping all the way open - and it opens to double or more the size of a normal sunroof. It has the 3 things most important to me in a car-buying decision: leather seats, iPod jack and sunroof - and this one basically has TWO - one really fucking huge one in the front that slides over the smoked glass in the back so the folks in the back seat have a view, too. --Not that anyone ever really rides in my back seat, but if they did - wow would they be able to see stuff!

A few years ago I stepped down from an Eddie Bauer Expedition (I loved that truck!) to an Escape - again for fuel economy. While the little Escape was cute and all, it didn't always have the space I needed for hauling stuff and after the Expedition, it felt a lot like driving a roller skate, so I was wary of the Edge because even though it's waythehell cuter than the Escape, it didn't seem much bigger and I didn't want to be stuck driving a car I didn't really like again. Since The Man brought the Escape home in the dark, just like this car, and one 16-mile round trip in the dark to the little town of Fundietonfieldvilleview and back just isn't enough of a test drive for me to make an adequately informed decision, I told him I wasn't going to decide until I drove it in the daytime for a busy day of errand-running to Lowes, Linens & Things and the grocery store. I figured the best way to decide if I wanted to buy it was to put it through a typical day of hardcore shopping just to see if it could keep up. Groceries were no problem, considering that I used to keep the 3rd row seats folded up in the Tahoe, leaving about the same amount of room as in the back of the Edge. Later that day, the Edge had plenty of room for paint for 3 rooms and assorted supplies, the 2 banquet tables and an entire suite of new bedding - comforter, pillows, and all, with plenty of room to spare. The little button in the back hatch area that flips the back seats down was really cool, too.

Honestly, in driving this car and going down from a huge full-size SUV, this car doesn't feel smaller. Aside from the fact that The Man works in the automobile industry, so we can usually get some really awesome deals on cars, one big reason I've driven SUVs is because I am so impossibly tall (all of 5') that being up higher helps me see what's happening around me on the road. A smaller car typically leaves me feeling as if I'm dragging my ass on the ground and can't really see what's going on. I didn't get that "I wish I were up higher," feeling in the Edge. It felt airy and spacious and "up high enough" for me. Speaking of space, the center console is also freakishly huge - big enough for my 13" MacBook - and has a jack for my iPod and a power port (there are 4 of these total) for the charger with a little cutout on the side lip of the console for the iPod cable to slip through. The Man bought the Tahoe for me when I got my Master's (awwww) but so far the only things I'm going to miss about it are the heated seats (much loved on the dozen or so days when it's actually cold outside) and the temperature gauge on the rearview mirror, but I can buy a new rearview that has that so it's no big deal. I won't miss the parking difficulties I've encountered in the last 3 & 1/2 years or paying $60-75 to fill the beast.

In my travels over the last couple of days, I've had no less than 4 people stop me to ask about and look over the car. Of course I've been happy to show it off, even though it's taken me on a little trip in the Wayback Machine to the days when I sold cars. The Girl even likes it. She said the Tahoe was too much of a "Soccer Mom" car and was not cool enough to be a "Band Mom" car. This car, on the other hand, in her humble and considerate nearly 16 year old opinion, is entirely cool enough to be a Band Mom car - or it will be once we get the front windows tinted ;o) Yep - nothin' quite like having a car that the teenager thinks is "pimpable."

Sweet 16 Party

2007-11-06T08:50:00.000-06:00

The picture is of the cups I got for The Girl's sweet 16 party next weekend. They have two little glass vials inside that you break kind of like the glow sticks (but a lot more difficult) then the cups glow for about 10 hours. I got them in several colors. Is that just too gawddamn cool, or what? The snack table will have a white tablecloth accented with a piece of fluorescent fun fur and little color-changing stars, and the food will be served on vintage vaseline glass and manganese glass serving pieces, which glow under a blacklight. I'll also be grilling burgers and there will be a huge-ass chocolate cake. The Girl doesn't want a cheese tray, but a Chee-To tray. She's not sure if she wants a punch with dry ice in it for effect or to keep it simple with just soft drinks. DrPepper turns a sickly green under a blacklight but it will be fun to see which foods are blacklight reactive...

Suz and her hubby will be in charge of running the garage, which will be converted to a disco. It will be decked out with a strobe light, tropical-scented fog machine, bubble machine and disco ball and there will be white helium balloons with little colored blinking LED lights in them. They are bringing his ginormous stereo and all their music and they can use my Powerpoint projector if they want to show videos or do karaoke.

The kids can play pool in the gameroom, poker or board games in the sunroom, Guitar Hero II and III on the big screen in the living room. Outside, they can play glow-in-the-dark football, basketball and/or frisbee. The popcorn machine will be set up somewhere out of the way of the pool table, either the patio or the sunroom, and there will be a fire in the fire pit so they can toast marshmallows. The Man will also have a bunch of hay bales on a trailer hooked up to his big white farm truck for the hayride.

With all the festivities planned, a slight problem occurred to me this morning. The Girl's high school football team is going to the playoffs, those games are usually held on Saturday nights, and she has invited the entire band. What do do?

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - Old People

2007-11-05T05:55:00.000-06:00

This week: Old People

Our first submission this week is once again from ghost hunter Romulus Crowe
The Old Gits:

Never too old to Rock & Roll:

What they're really doing on their Sunday drive:

Don't jack with the little old lady:

A plane, a jeep and a little old lady:

Next week: Open Season - (in honor of the highest holy holiday in Texas - the opening of deer season).

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny

The Audition

2007-11-04T19:25:00.000-06:00

The Girl auditioned for the All-District Band yesterday and made 3rd chair out of about 40 high school girls who tried out. The two girls ahead of her were both seniors and everyone below her until the girl in 9th chair (a freshman who is one of my former students, thankyouverymuch), everyone who made the band was either a junior or a senior. All things considered, The Girl made an excellent showing so she can't really complain. The clinic and concert will be next Saturday, then she can work on improving the music for the All-Region Band tryout December 1. The competition will be stiffer then because now that marching season is over, they actually have time to work on the honor band music. At any rate, she was 7th chair All-Region last year with only seniors and 2 juniors ahead of her - yep, you guessed it - the 2 girls who are ahead of her in All-District this year. Taking that into consideration, we expect her to go to Area this year. We'll see. If she doesn't pass Geometry she will be ineligible to compete, and all the work she's done since January will have been in vain. Send her some positive math energy to pull her through.

Yeah - What Susie Said...

2007-10-30T05:04:00.000-06:00

Have I mentioned that I simply adore this woman?

More about my favorite sex-positive heroine at Wikipedia.

Condemned Cartoon Carnival - Angry Kid

2007-10-29T09:00:00.000-06:00

This week: Angry Kid - a special treat from the UK, submitted by our good blogger friend the famous (or is that infamous?) ghost hunter Romulus Crowe.

Phone Sex

I-Spy

Wanker

Butt Plug

Tourette's

Next week: Old People

Calling all demons, poltergeists, minions and wraiths: You are hereby commanded by the fires of hell to submit your favorite videos from You Tube, MySpace, your crazy aunt Hattie's attic or wherever for inclusion in my regular feature "Condemned Cartoon Carnival." Wanna play? The rules are simple:

1) The video has to make me laugh - out loud.
b) Bonus points if it's wrong on so many levels that it leaves me in tears.

Although there are no sacred cows, there is one caveat: I am a tough customer, so your quest will not be an easy one.
The videos will be posted bright and skippy every Monday morning, to give everyone a twisted start to the week.

What do you get? Everlasting life via special shoutout in the blog and a link to your blog (if you have one).

Go ahead, submit. You know you want to. Just send your videos or links with your username and a link to your blog to:
condemnedcartooncarnival@gmail.com

tags technorati : Condemned Cartoon Carnival, funny